Log Date: 11/30/95 Log Intro: Dawn has startled the Willowholt -- as well as Strongbow, badly, deeply -- by her attempt to share mushroom dreams with the archer by burning some of Sweetleaf's more interesting hallucinogens in a campfire, and getting him to breathe the smoke. But unfortunately, Dawn didn't warn Strongbow of what she was doing, and the dream that caught him unawares was one that woke in him, violently, the memory of his slaying of Tash. Dawn has realized that she has done a very bad thing, and has lingered fearfully around the Holt, certain that her chieftess will have her head. As it happens, Rill has something rather less drastic in mind, though perhaps more unnerving to accomplish.... ---------- You locksend to Dawn, Rillwhisper mentally reaches out through the Holt, looking for you. ** Dawn? ** Dawn locksends ** Yes, Rillwhisper.. ** You locksend ** Can you come up to my den, please? We need to talk. ** to Dawn. Rillwhisper sends out of the den, expression solemn. Dawn locksends ** Yes, chief.. ** Dawn crawls in from the tree's center chamber. Dawn has arrived. Dawn enters, tail firmly tucked between legs, and doesn't quite look at anybody. Rillwhisper is sitting more or less in the center of her den; Trollkiller's present, but not Woodhawk, who's gone out again to hunt. The chieftess studies Dawn as she enters, and sighs softly. "Alright... shall I go first, or do you want to?" Rillwhisper pats the furs in the middle of the den, though, in a sort of "do, please, sit down" gesture. Dawn comes closer, and sits where directed, still not looking up. She sends meekly. ** I'm sorry. ** Rillwhisper looks at Dawn searchingly, her own green gaze more sad and troubled than angry -- but then, Dawn isn't looking at her, so. ** I'm glad to hear that, ** she sends quietly. ** But to be honest, I don't think it's to me that you should say it. ** Dawn looks up... ** Is..is he all right? ** Her blue eyes are troubled, as is her send. Rillwhisper meets the smaller elf's regard gravely. ** No, ** she answers -- not harshly, but not overly gently, either. ** I don't think he is. Brightfire says she thinks he buried the memory of killing Tash, and that the mushroom smoke pulled that memory back up. ** Trollkiller sits quietly beside Rill, mostly looking at furs. Dawn's eyes fill with tears. ** I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't think..think it would work like that. I only wanted to dream..and to make him be not so far away. ** Rillwhisper, well familiar with her tribesmate's love of dreaming -- not to mention her own affection for it, and what you eat to do it -- does not look entirely unsympathetic. She pulls in a breath, and sends softly, ** I know you didn't mean to hurt him. But Strongbow... ** She pushes a hand through her hair, back towards her chief's lock, for a moment. ** Dawn, have you ever wondered why I myself haven't invited him to dream with me? ** Dawn looks down again. ** I.. had not known that you had not. ** Rillwhisper sends openly ** There's a reason for that. Strongbow is... ** Rillwhisper pauses, looking for the right words or concepts to relay what she needs to express. Dawn looks up again, gravely. Rillwhisper sends at last, slowly, thoughtfully, ** Strongbow is... like the Willowholt, in a way. Or at least, what most everybody else sees of us, which is precious little... because of the itchgrass. But we've all decided to keep ourselves protected and hidden by the itchgrass. Do you follow me, so far? ** Dawn nods, slowly. ** I understand about staying hidden. ** Trollkiller tries to figure it out, and isn't succeeding. Rillwhisper looks a bit relieved, that this idea of hers is getting through. ** Alright. Strongbow treats himself... like we treat our Holt. He is very wary of letting anything into himself that he isn't expecting, or wanting. It's like... he has his own itchgrass circle around his head. Now, think about how we'd feel if something big and nasty came through our circle, and we weren't ready for it... ** Dawn sends a bit timidly. ** I'm not big and nasty. I..didn't think I was. ** Rillwhisper reaches for Dawn's shoulder, and clasps it gently, as she looks straight at her. ** No, my dream-sharer, you're not. But again, he's like our Holt. The nasty things don't usually get in -- we're protected. But neither do the nice things, unless we know about them first and are ready to welcome them. Strongbow... wasn't ready to welcome the dreams you were offering. Because he didn't know what you wanted to do. Do you see? ** Trollkiller scratches hsi head. Dawn looks gravely at Rillwhisper. ** I..think maybe I do. Before Zalen, I wouldn't let anybody close at all. It's frightening, when you're not used to it. I will tell him I am sorry, chief. Him, and his mate. ** Dawn touches her hand to Rillwhispers, on her shoulder. ** ** Rillwhisper's green eyes flicker with approval. ** Good. Go to Moonshade first -- I don't know, to be honest, how Strongbow will take anybody talking to him right now. But if Moonshade thinks he'll handle it, then talk to him, too. One more thing, sunhair... ** Dawn then moves over to Trollkiller, giving him a tight hug because she needs it, and burying her face against his shoulder for a moment before looking back at Rillwhisper. ** My chief? ** Rillwhisper goes on, ** I don't want you burning shrooms in fires anymore. Not unless we can put a fire somewhere where we can keep the smoke from getting to anyone who doesn't want to dream, or who hasn't been asked to join you. Will you agree to this? ** Dawn sends openly ** Yes, Rillwhisper. I promise. I don't think I ever want to do it again. ** Dawn smiles a tiny smile, and hugs Trollkiller again. Rillwhisper nods gently, then, and leans over to hug Dawn herself. ** Good. Thank you. ** Dawn hugs Rillwhisper tightly too, looking much relieved. And slips out to seek Moonshade. Dawn crawls through the door-hide out into the heart of the tree. Dawn has left. [End log.]