Log Date:
	3/25/97

Log Cast:
	Shenner, Jessalyn, Tacra, Tand, Lando

Log Intro:
	The _Black Dragon_ has landed on Calamari, and its complement has 
settled in in the local New Republic base. But for all that they are now 
safely on an NR world, the erstwhile crew of the _Dragon_ has not managed to 
leave assorted personal angst aside along with the danger from the Empire 
catching up with them.
	The previous night, Shenner returned to the NR guest barracks in which 
she, Paul, Jessalyn, and the others from the _Dragon_ have been staying, only 
to find a fretful and dejected Paul insistent upon going out for a drink. 
Remembering the last time she'd seen Paul drunk, and that he does not take well 
to high amounts of liquor, Shenner elected herself to shepherd him at the local 
tap house, and recruited Tacra to help her keep an eye on Paul as she went. 
Their outing to the bar started off well enough, as they found Lando in his 
element amongst a large knot of NR personnel, holding forth on grand war 
stories from the Rebellion; Amylynn, too, showed up at the bar with her father 
in tow, and introduced him to Lando. But for Shenner, the evening took a turn 
for the worse when Paul, already with three brandies in him, started dancing 
with a beautiful brunette.
	Seeing Shenner's dejected expression, Tacra suggested to the girl that 
she cut in on Paul and his dance partner - and much to Tacra's amazement, 
Shenner took her advice. But the brunette woman, disdainful of Shenner's 
apparent youth, refused to give up Paul's attention - and Paul himself was 
thunderstruck when Shenner kissed him rather than punch him or the woman with 
whom he was dancing. Then, convinced that Paul really didn't want her around, 
Shenner turned and stalked out of the bar.
	But much to Shenner's surprise, Paul staggered out of the bar after 
her, and shouted for her to stop. He demanded to know what kind of stunt she'd 
tried to pull, and Shenner in her turn caustically berated the brunette woman's 
intentions. Infuriated, Paul snarled at the girl that maybe he'd needed someone 
that evening - had she thought of that?
	Shenner yelled back, "What's wrong with me?!"
	And to Shenner's further surprise, Paul growled in reply, "Practice," 
seized her, and proceeded to kiss her practically senseless.
	Only when Jessalyn happened upon the two of them entwined in one 
another's arms, and pleaded with Paul to not keep Shenner out too late, did he 
come up for air - and become flooded with shame when he fully registered how 
Shenner clung to him in helpless ardor. Aghast, Paul tried to convince 
Jessalyn to return Shenner to the barracks, only to be thwarted when the 
equally depressed Jessa demurred and vanished into the bar instead.
	Snapping out of the daze in which Paul's kiss had left her, Shenner 
tried to assure the abashed Paul that he didn't need to apologize for kissing 
her - she'd wanted him to. But Paul was adamant, insisting that he was eleven 
years her senior, and that if they'd continued as they had been before 
Jessalyn's arrival, he'd have hauled her off to the nearby beach and taken her 
right then and there. Crushed, Shenner retorted that his age did not matter 
to her, that she was hardly ignorant of sex - her mother had been a 
prostitute, after all - and that his 'taking her' couldn't be wrong if that 
was what they both wanted.
	But Shenner was as surprised as Paul when she delivered the impassioned 
claim that she loved him. Almost agonized, panicked, Paul babbled out that 
Shenner could not possibly love him, and, dismissing her feelings as the 
product of a frightened adolescent's crush, he promptly fled for a swim on 
the nearby beach just as a drunken Jessalyn emerged from the bar.
	Awkwardly, Jessalyn encouraged Shenner to return to the barracks while 
she herself checked on Paul... and Shenner obeyed, only to waken the next 
morning to discover that while Jessalyn had returned to claim her bunk for 
sleep, Paul had not...

----------
Her face utterly still and composed save for a suspicious sadness about her 
  eyes, Shenner sits on her bunk, her guitar in her lap, and plays. Her right 
  hand strums chords on every fourth beat while with meticulous care her left 
  plucks out slow sequences of notes, building a simple melody.

Jessalyn's dark red hair is tossled wildly on a pillow, the only thing about 
  her visible save the tightly curled mound of her body beneath the blankets, 
  and a small, solitary foot peeking off the edge of the bed.

Shenner's green eyes flick every so often to Jessalyn's blanketed form, as if 
  to established that she still is actually there; Jessa's bunk is, though, 
  the only one that Shenner glances at, as the girl stoically practices her 
  music.

Jessalyn rolls onto her back, groaning as she stretches one long slender arm 
  over her head, and shifts lazily beneath the blankets. Long, dark lashes 
  squeeze more tightly shut, tremble, and then blink open, her gaze moving 
  automatically toward the source of the music.

Shenner remains where she's sitting, quietly practicing her guitar, milking 
  that sequence of chords and plunked notes until she is playing it without 
  error. Slowly, then, she begins to play it faster, to see if she can handle 
  a speedier tempo. Her attention flicks briefly to Jessalyn as she stirs, 
  then; the girl murmurs, "Sorry, Jess," and lowers the volume of her notes.

Jessalyn wipes her hand over her eyes, still drowsy, and wets her lips as she 
  pushes the blanket off to the side. "No.. it's okay. I need.. to get up 
  anyway," she mumbles, and winces as she sits up, her hand going to her 
  temples. "Oh, my head...."

Shenner says without looking up from her practicing, "I gotcha a remedy from 
  the medbay if you need it."

Tacra's form remains still, her back turned to the two women as she slumbers 
  away on her bunk.

Jessalyn shakes her head as if to clear it, wild red hair spilling around her 
  shoulders and tangles around her face. "You did?" she says, sounding 
  surprised. "Ohh.. thanks, Shen..." She finds the discarded velvet green 
  slippers beneath her bunk and slips them slowly onto her feet, almost as if 
  the very movement itself hurt her.

Shenner simply bobs her head quietly, observing, "It's there by your bunk."

Jessalyn glances around, squinting, until she finds the mentioned remedy, and 
  picks it up. Carrying the bottle with her, she rises and pads over across 
  the room to the washing area. "Thanks. I'll be back in a bit. I need a 
  shower."

"Okay." Her voice still quiet and utterly composed, Shenner continues her 
  practicing, varying tempo and rhythm of the notes she's plucking out in 
  harmony with the chords from her other hand.

Tacra finally stirs, letting out a little groan as she stretches and sits up. 
  Blinking blearily about the room, her gaze rests on the source of the music 
  she hears and she nods a greeting. "Mornin'."

Shenner says lowly, "Yo," in Tacra's direction. She misses a note, frowns, and 
  pauses her play, taking a moment to stretch her fingers.

Tacra spends a moment watching the girl, her brows creased as she tries to 
  match this image with what she knows of last night. Her gaze wanders then, 
  until she spots Paul's all-too-tidy bed. "Erm," she begins, still sleepy, 
  "So how'd it go?"

Shenner looks up, her dark eyebrows drawing together momentarily across her 
  nose, then she shrugs, apparently indifferent. "Ain't like I got much 
  experience in these things... but from what I can tell, it went pretty 
  karkin' lousy." Her voice, as it had been when she'd spoken with Jessalyn, 
  is levelly composed; save for a slight hard edge to her words, she might 
  almost be commenting on the water temperture in the local oceans.

Tacra appears to mull over this, her fingers idly playing with the blanket 
  that rests over her legs. "Oh. He, ah, wasn't interested?" Her brows arch, 
  her gaze trailing to that tidy bed.

Succintly, Shenner replies, a slight smirk quirking her mouth, "Nope." She 
  continues to flex her fingers, giving them a break from her practicing.

Tacra, having come to the conclusion that Shenner isn't really willing to 
  share much on this topic, shrugs her shoulders. "Well, you c'n do better 
  than him anyway. No great loss." Standing, she draws the blankets up on her 
  bed neatly, and glances curiously again at Paul's bunk.

The girl draws in a low breath, just for a moment; perhaps that one thing is a 
  sign that she does not have as much composure as she pretends. "No, I don't 
  guess so," she murmurs, as she returns to her practicing.

After some time, the door to the wash room opens and Jessalyn return, the 
  scent of clean-washed skin and Yavin roses preceding her into the barracks. 
  Wrapped in a robe and a towel draped over her arm, she pads back to her bunk 
  and sits down to rummage through her satchel again.

Tand arrives from the corridor.
Tand has arrived.

Shenner settles back down into practicing her guitar, working her way through 
  slow minor scales.

[Tacra takes her own turn at the refresher (translation, Tacra disconnected),
while Jessalyn rejoins Shenner...]

Jessalyn smooths back her tangled damp hair with a brush retrieved from her 
  bag, listening absently to the soothing scales as she does so.

Tand wanders into the barracks, whistling a cheery tune. He looks about with 
  an energetic smile upon approaching his cot.

Jessalyn looks at you for a moment.

Shenner remains sitting crosslegged on her own bunk, her guitar in her lap; 
  the girl's face is pale and set as she practices her music.

Jessalyn shifts to a more comfortable position, crossing one bare knee over 
  the other, and continues to let the brush drift through the damp, shining 
  dark red hair as she studies Shenner's expression with a hint of concern.

Tand plops down on his bunk, he silences his tune as he looks about, pausing a 
  moment as his eye catches Shenner. After a moment of quiet regard he opens a 
  small chest next to his cot to remove a thin silver case.

Shenner avoids anyone's eyes, though her gaze lifts briefly to note Tand's 
  arrival on the scene. Her expression still quite composed, the girl keeps up 
  her practicing, alternating the chords and individually plucked notes she's 
  producing.

Tand pops open the case to examine its contents of small computer diagnostic 
  tools. With a quick snap he shuts it and places it upon the chest. He looks 
  around, offering a small wave to the others, "Hi there.." he smiles gently.

Shenner says to Tand, quietly, "Yo."

Jessalyn tosses the brush back into the bag, smooths her hands over the silky 
  folds of the robe covering her thighs, and smiles warmly, albeit drowsily, 
  to Tand. "Morning..."

"And a nice one at that." Tand says optimistically. He smiles at both women, 
  "This place is so nice, compared to the dustballs I'm used to."

Jessalyn smiles distractedly, only half-listening to Tand's appraisal of their 
  new locale. Her green eyes are shadowed and distant for a moment, before she 
  lets them fall on her younger red-haired friend, gauging her expression 
  casually. "It is a nice place. At least there are no Dark Jedi running 
  around here."

Shenner says casually, "Yeah, the lack of Dark Jedi's a real big plus." The 
  kid plucks her way slowly through another sacle, using one hand to hit 
  individual notes, the other to strike chords on every other beat.

Tand nods in turn to both responses, "I certainly hope not." Tand shifts a bit 
  uncomfortably as he glances back and forth between the two, "Everything 
  going ok?" he smiles.

Shenner flicks Tand a lopsided grin. "Peachy," she says firmly.

Jessalyn folds her hands over her bare knees, raising her brows at Shenner's 
  response, and struggling to control her own composure. Swallowing hard, she 
  manages to force her usual dazzling smile onto her otherwise numb 
  expression. "Of course! Glad to be off Palanhi, and safe at last."

Tand accepts Shen's answer with a grin of his own. He looks over to Jessalyn 
  and nods slowly, "Yeah, that is a good thing." his voice trails off as he 
  studies Jessa for a moment, then shrugs, "Well, a spacer hired me for the 
  day to reconfigure his ship's computers. I'll be off for the rest of the 
  day, catch you two around dinner time maybe." he picks up the case as he 
  stands.

Jessalyn looks slightly startled at Tand's sudden intent to depart, but she 
  nods and runs a hand back through her drying hair. "Sure, Tand, we'll be 
  here I'm sure."

Tand nods quickly, "Yeah.. take care you two." he walks off, checking his 
  chrono as he mentally notes he'll be an hour early.

Shenner smiles noncomittally at Tand's departure and returns to steadily 
  practicing.

Jessalyn watches Tand leave, then turns her head back to gaze gaugingly at the 
  other girl in the room. Sighing softly, she asks in a quiet voice, "You 
  really doing okay?"

Shenner glances up, and studies Jessalyn in return a moment or two. "Sure," 
  she says, perhaps justa tad _too_ quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Jessalyn shrugs, glancing down to inspect her nails casually. "Well, you 
  seemed upset last night. That's all. I just want you to be okay."

Shenner sighs, then says quietly, "Yeah... I was pretty upset last night." A 
  beat, a strummed chord, then: "I'm copin'. Thanks."

Jessalyn's eyes narrow with concern; clearly, she's not convinced. But she 
  nods with understanding, and speaks softly, "Yes, we're all coping, aren't 
  we? What else can we do?" Sighing, Jess rises to her feet and pulls a shirt 
  and tunic out of her bag. As she unties the sash of the robe around her 
  waist, she glances at you again, over her shoulder. "You know I'll do 
  whatever I can... to help..."

Shenner looks up at Jessa again, and her eyes seem slightly more liquid, her 
  expression slightly less composed. "Yeah... I... know."

Jessalyn discards the robe and drops onto the bunk, shoving her legs into her 
  trousers, and grimacing at you. "Try not to worry too much. I know it's a 
  dumb thing to say, but... Paul will come around. You'll see." She fastens 
  the trousers and reaches for her shirt, sliding her arms up into the 
  sleeves. When her head pokes through the top, she shakes her hair loose and 
  sighs wearily, seeking out your gaze again.

Shenner looks back at you, and says gruffly, "Yeah, well, he's leavin', so 
  don't seem like there's much room for comin' around there." With that, 
  Shenner strums a few more notes, but her concentration appears to have 
  wavered.

Lando arrives from the corridor.
Lando has arrived.
Lando strides into the barracks purposefully. He looks Jessa over and grins 
  brightly, "I am indeed the luckiest man in the universe." He chuckles softly 
  to himself nad continues walking towards his bunk and locker. He gives 
  Shenner a quick, sly smile and calls out, "Had a rough night kid?"

Jessalyn watches you carefully, then picks up her boots and tugs them onto 
  each foot. After a moment, looking thoughtful, she asks casually, "How -do- 
  you feel about him, Shenner?"

Shenner's gaze shoots over to the General, and for a brief instant the kid 
  looks ever so slightly uncomfortable before she plasters on a lopsided 
  half-grin, half-smirk. "Rough as a ride through Belsavis's atmosphere, pal," 
  she calls back, in a bold enough tone that she is either lying through her 
  teeth.... or deliberately making light of the evening. Jessalyn's much 
  softer question makes the girl then look back around, and again, Shen gets 
  that uncomfortable look.

Jessalyn finishes tugging on her boots and stands up, stomping her feet more 
  firmly into them, and glances over to Lando. "Hmmm."

Shenner shrugs, just as casually. "Does it matter?"

Jessalyn narrows that shadowed green gaze at her younger friend, and looks as 
  though she might be about to argue with her. But she glances at Lando, 
  looking uncomfortable, and shrugs it off.

Lando nods at Shenner's words and chuckles lightly. He turns towards Jessalyn 
  smiling wryly, "Oh nothing Jess." and makes his way towards his bunk. He 
  reaches the bunk and a smug smile tugs at his lips and eventually envelopes 
  his mouth, "Well what have we here? Could it be that I have a secret or not 
  so secret admirer?" He says picking up a letter on his bunk. He reads 
  through it quickly and the smug smile quickly dissappeares as he rolls his 
  eyes and groans, "Oh, it's from Paul."

Shenner, very briefly, slams her eyes shut. Then, with forced and patient 
  care, begins to resume practicing chords on her guitar.

Jessalyn casts Lando a helpless glance, shrugs, and resumes rummaging through 
  her satchel.

Lando finishes reading through the letter and shrugs. He talks loud enough for 
  everyone to hear, but is not speaking to anyone in particular, "Oh well, I 
  needed a few days to track down this Grathix guy anway."

"Check Tatooine," Shenner puts in, her voice quite neutrally calm now.

Lando turns to Shenner and raises an eyebrow, "Tatooine? I thought he was 
  Mandalorian?"

Shenner lifts her gaze off the guitar again and says simply, "Tatooine's where 
  he found me in the first place. Mos Eisley. You might check the Twin Suns 
  Hotel and Casino, that's where he was stayin' just before we went to Etti 
  IV."

Lando nods quickly, "Twin Suns Hotel and Casino, gotcha." He smiles cordially 
  at Shenner, "Thanks kid." and begins walking towards the exit, "I have a few 
  calls to make."

Jessalyn pulls something small and gold out of her satchel and uses it to clip 
  her hair back from her face. She tugs on the velvet of her sleeves, 
  straightening them, and looks over her shoulder at the other two. "Lando..." 
  she puts in mildly, but witha touch of worry. "I want you to promise me 
  you're not going to let Paul do anything stupid.." she calls as he heads out.

"Sure thing," Shenner replies levelly to Lando, before returning her attention 
  to her music.

Lando turns to Jessa and smiles, "You want me to promise you that he won't do 
  anything stupid, or that he won't do anything stupid alone?" He add with a 
  confident wink.

Shenner, at that, might be heard to miss a note on her guitar, and she scowls 
  down at her hands.

Jessalyn tries to hide her discomfort at this glib attitude towards such a 
  dangerous situation, and shrugs, turning her gaze away. "Just be careful," 
  she mutters, and tosses her bag onto the floor violently.

Lando laughs softly and hurries off, "Sure thing."
Lando has left.

Jessalyn settles down onto the bunk, a bit of worry etched into her brows as 
  she gazes at her friend. "Shenner... you know I'm here for you, right?"

Now that Calrissian has gone, Shenner's hands still on the guitar strings, and 
  the girl slides you a sidelong glance. "Yeah," she says, huskily.

Jessalyn folds her hands in her lap, a stray lock of hair falling into her 
  eyes. "Okay," she mumbles, inadequately, and lets her head lift enough to 
  look at you. "Paul will be back, you know... he .. he told me to tell you..."

Shenner's own head jerks up a little, a brief flash of hope illuminating her 
  eyes, before she composes herself. Still, her voice shakes a little, as Shen 
  asks, "... that he's coming... back?"

Jessalyn allows a small smile to curve her lips. "Yes... he just said that he 
  had some things to research, but that.. he still owes you a guitar lesson."

Shenner meets Jessa's gaze, her own turning notably more limpid. For a few 
  moments, vivid relief wars with equally potent disappointment in her 
  expression, before the kid swallows hard, and says in as game a tone as she 
  can manage, "Huh, well, thought he'd forgotten!"

Jessalyn returns her gaze, smiling compassionately. "I don't think he'd do 
  that, Shen. He cares about you a great deal, you know. I doubt.. that he 
  would have come with us if that hadn't been true."

Shen's facade of casual calm wavers a little more visibly, and the girl lifts 
  a hand to scrub it across one eye. "Yeah, well..." Her voice roughens still 
  more.

Jessalyn sighs wearily and draws her legs up to sit cross-legged on her bunk. 
  "Shenner... I don't want to sound cold... but... if you really care about 
  him, you have to give it time."

The younger female sighs, fidgeting with the fretboard end of her guitar. 
  "Time for me to grow up, huh?" she mutters.

Jessalyn chuckles lightly. "Well, if you want to think of it that way, you 
  can," she says gently. "But if that's true, then so do I."

"Paul thinks I just... have..." Shenner sucks in a breath and continues in 
  crisply enunciated tones, "... an 'adolescent crush.'"

Jessalyn runs her hands over the smooth polished boot crossed in front of her. 
  "Well.... do you?" she asks pointedly. "They're not unheard of, you know."

Shenner smirks. "Are adolescents with crushes supposed to be able to tell them 
  apart from the real thing?"

Jessalyn laughs softly, and shakes her head. "I suppose it depends on how 
  astute the adolescent is," she replies.

Plucking out a few notes, Shenner rolls a shoulder by way of a shrug. "Well, I 
  know I react to him different from Shikh." A beat, and then a sudden bit of 
  a blush. "And General Solo."

Jessalyn seems a bit confused at both these statments, but she shrugs it off 
  absently. "So.. you're sure about Paul? Hmm?"

Shenner looks at you with a tinge of exasperation, and explains, while 
  restlessly shifting position, "Shikh's... a guy I met on Etti IV. Younger 
  than you. Handsome and charming, and...." Troubledly, she sighs, and goes 
  on, "He thought I was a girl at first except I convinced him I was a boy, 
  except then it seemed wrong. Before I could do anything about it, though, I 
  ran into Luke." Her blush deepens, and she goes on, plaintively, "And 
  General Solo's really really really really... cute."
Shenner scowls, and finishes, "I think I figured out this morning I was 
  reacting to _him_ 'cause he looks like Paul." And she smacks her guitar. "I 
  seem to have a running gag with Corellians goin' here!"

Jessalyn frowns as she listens to this tirade, brows furrowed as she takes it 
  all in. "Okay," she murmurs. "So you're trying to sort out how and why and 
  what you feel about all these men. Is that right?"

Shenner heaves a large sigh and sets the guitar aside. She tells you, "Well, 
  Solo's easy, he's the Princess's husband, right? So I guess he just counts 
  for somethin' fun to look at." Another snort. "Listen to me, six months ago 
  I wasn't even thinkin' about these things...." And Shen shoves a hand 
  through her short red hair.
Her other hand follows the first, and Shenner says dolefully, "I'm babblin'."

Jessalyn blows out a frustrated breath. "No, it's okay. I understand." She 
  taps her fingertips against her boot. "If it makes you feel any better, I 
  never had to worry about these kinds of things till I was several years 
  older than you are now."

The girl looks back at you, in a dejected kind of sympathy -- a slightly 
  lighter look, perhaps, than before. "Yeah?"

Jessalyn nods gravely. "Yeah. I made -plenty- of mistakes, too, if you must 
  now." She smiles wryly.

Shenner does not exactly brighten, but she does seem to relax, at least on 
  some level. She asks you very softly, "Jessa... if a man... being missing 
  makes you so scared that you run all a city all night looking for him... 
  'cause you think he's dead... and then you find him a-and you can't do 
  anything but just _hold_ him..."

Jessalyn shrugs again. "I am not going to tell you how you feel, Shenner. Only 
  you can decide that. But I will warn you to be careful... it's easier to 
  think you feel something that isn't real than you think it is."

Troubledly, Shenner gives you enough of a nod to let you know she heard you, 
  but her attention has clearly gone inward.

And the kid then says, at last, "How do you know you... love Luke?"

Jessalyn looks thoughtful for a long moment, her own eyes growing distant as 
  she considers your question. Gazing out a nearby window, she hesitates, then 
  replies in a soft, but firm voice. "I've thought I was in love before. Don't 
  get me wrong. But, before, I think it was because I was somehow starving for 
  that kind of attention. And I never thought I would find someone to care for 
  me that way." As she speaks, she slowly turns her head to look at you, eyes 
  considering, but also sad. "But I still had this ideal in my head, you know? 
  The man that I knew would be 'The One'..." She shakes her head, smiling 
  ruefully. "I know it's corny, but those thoughts started whirling through my 
  head the first time I ever saw Luke. I'd do anything within my powers to 
  keep him safe, to help him. And it's selfless, too. It's not because I want 
  to be fulfilled, it's because I .. because I love who he is."

Quiet as you tell her all of this, Shenner draws a leg up onto the bunk before 
  her, wrapping an arm around it and resting her chin on her knee. She smiles 
  a little, and waits till you're finished before she answers, "Paul... taught 
  me things... when he first took me off Belsavis, y'know? About how to fly 
  his ship. I think that's the first thing I liked about him...."

Jessalyn stretches out her legs in front of her on the bunk, clasping her 
  hands over her belly. "He's a very kind man," she murmurs. "I'm glad that 
  you two.. overcame your differences, about what happened on Tatooine."

"I miss him," Shenner confesses.

Jessalyn's expression saddens inexorably, and she looks away. "Yes. I know."

Shenner lifts a hand to you, and, tentatively, places it on your shoulder. 
  "Why don't... why don't you go see Luke, Jessa? I'll be okay here..."

----------
Postlude:

	Whether Jessalyn was reluctant to leave her alone Shenner did not let 
herself consider. Rather, Shenner put on her best casual face, persuaded 
Jessalyn to go to the hospital to see to Luke... and was left alone to consider 
Jessalyn's advice. The young bardling flopped back onto her bunk and stared 
moodily up at the ceiling.
	As much as she admired Jessalyn, something about the woman's advice sat 
wrong with her. It took her several minutes to figure out exactly what: that 
Jessa had recommended she give Paul time, while refusing to accept her own 
counsel where Luke Skywalker was concerned. _How can she expect me to just... 
sit around?_ the girl wondered dejectedly. _It ain't like she's having a cozy 
time of it waiting for Skywalker to notice her!_ But hard on the heels of that 
thought came remorse. Jessalyn _was_ depressed over Skywalker, but Shenner 
could not help but acknowledge that the woman was genuinely concerned for her.
	And at any rate... did she _want_ to wait for Paul?
	What _did_ she want?
	_Paul,_ she replied immediately to herself, but now, that answer seemed 
suspect. Shenner rolled over on the bunk, grabbed her pillow and groaned into 
it as her mind replayed the previous night's events for her. What had seemed 
like good ideas at the time, cutting in on Paul and the brunette, kissing him, 
letting _him_ kiss _her_ (and that thought made Shenner have to stifle another 
groan; the memory of that kiss still blazed in her mind), and issuing a 
declaration of love, now all struck her as ill-considered. Rash. The products 
of an adolescent crush.
	How could she tell whether she was genuinely in love, or simply 
infatuated?
	Paul was handsome, there was no denying that... but then again, so was 
Shikh on Etti IV. So was General Solo. (_What is it with Corellians, anyway? 
Don't they have any ugly men on that planet?_ she groused. Even that Imperial 
lieutenant had been good-looking, for all that he'd been an arrogant bastard, 
too...) Shenner had in fact found that in recent weeks she'd been a lot more 
prone to noticing the males around her, so she couldn't use that as an argument for 
anything except the simple fact that she was indeed a girl and should learn to 
Deal. Far more compelling were the arguments that she admired the breadth of 
his intelligence and knowledge, and enjoyed listening to him and learning from 
him... especially of music.
	And she'd been terrified past her own ability to put into words when 
Paul, wounded, had gone missing off the _Dragon_ on Palanhi... terrified enough that 
she'd snuck off the ship and searched the city the entire night and most of the 
rest of the day. Only when she'd been unable to find him herself had she 
finally turned to the others on the _Dragon_ for help, and now, Shenner was not at all 
sure that she'd have done the same for anyone else on the craft - except perhaps
Jessalyn. And as relieved as she'd been when Luke and Jess had safely escaped 
Sabbath, finding Paul in the Palanhi medical center had been fundamentally 
different. Shen had feared for Jessalyn's life, for Luke's, and for Paul's... 
but her anxiety over the Jedi and the Major had felt almost superficial in 
comparison to the bone-deep panic that had gripped her over Paul's 
disappearance.
	Admitting that now, even to herself, Shenner felt herself blushing 
hotly, and muttered aloud, "Oughtta be ashamed of myself."
	The more she thought about it, the more ashamed she felt, too. She 
could think of hardly any interaction with Paul on Palanhi or the _Dragon_ in 
which she hadn't acted either like a scared kid or one throwing a temper 
tantrum. _Either crying on his shoulder or socking him in the jaw,_ Shen 
thought. _Yeah, real karking mature, *kid*!_ That, at last, decided her. 
Whatever else she wanted from Paul - and she had yet to really figure that 
out - she wanted him to think of her as something more than a frightened and 
needy child.
	Shenner stood up off the bunk, then, an impulse seizing her to take up 
not only her guitar, but the ornate box Grathix had given her with two thousand 
credits inside. She felt miserable, but knew of no better way to break herself 
out of a depression than to get outside, find an audience, and make music. It 
had worked on Tatooine, it had worked on Etti IV - surely it would work here, 
too, on Calamari. Under no circumstances did she buy Chantinelle's claim that 
NR worlds would not appreciate public singing! And this time, she had credits.
	This time, she could busk in style.

[End log.]