Log Date: 11/30/96, 12/1/96 Log Cast: Ktai, Azeure Log Intro: Rayek has been undergoing a kind of rebirth in the Palace -- trying to make his peace with Tilia, and beginning to try to talk to those within the Palace to arrange protection for all within its halls from Winnowill and her Chosen. But Ktai has anxieties of her own, not only about Winnowill and those loyal to her, but about Rayek himself. She has very nearly given in to the urge to return to the Mountain, thinking it would keep Rayek safe -- and only the intervention of Adi, an unlikely ally at best for the airwalker, has kept her in the Palace's vicinity. And now.... [NOTE: This log was contributed by Ktai.] ---------- Ktai steps into the Palace from Outside, having spent most of the day (and the night previous) walking about and thinking. When she sees you, she pauses, then sends abruptly. ** Azeure... I can't go back there. ** Azeure nods ** I know Ktai.. I do not ask you to return with me ** Azeure sighs softly ** Then perhaps I should round Neela and be on my way ** Ktai sighs softly. ** Will you free Kaia? ** Azeure looks to you ** How can I? ** Ktai shakes her head. ** I do not know. ** Azeure sighs softly ** Winnowill will not part with what she knows.. not the way the darkness consumes her ** Ktai sends openly ** She parted with me. ** Azeure arches a brow ** Did she?.. After yestereve I have my doubts of that ** Ktai turns away from you, her eyes stung. Azeure sends openly ** Or then perhaps why does she instruct me to render you unconscious and drag you to that rock against your will? ** Ktai moves to walk away. Azeure sighs softly, watching you. Ktai goes nowhere, now seeming to falter. Azeure frowns a bit ** Ktai ** Ktai sends openly ** Yes? ** Azeure watches you ** I'm sorry.. ** Ktai sends openly ** For what? ** Azeure sends openly ** It would seem I've disturbed you ** Ktai sends openly ** With the truth? ** Azeure nods, sighing once more ** Seems to be all I am good at ** Ktai sends openly ** The truth always hurts. ** Azeure shakes his head ** Not always ** Ktai sends openly ** Always. ** Azeure shakes his head ** Then I am sorry to be so truthful ** ** Don't be. ** Azeure arches a brow ** Don't be sorry to hurt you? ** Ktai sends openly ** The truth is always best. ** Azeure frowns thoughtfully ** I don't understand ** Ktai sends openly ** I'd rather be hurt by truth than be torn by lies. ** Azeure nods ** I see.. ** Ktai turns to look back to you. ** I think I would prefer that as well.. so what is the truth of things Ktai? ** Ktai sighs, her eyes pained. ** I love him. It hurts that I cannot tell him. ** Azeure sends openly ** You can tell him you know... ** Ktai sends openly ** No... I am afraid to. ** Azeure shakes his head ** Fearing the truth is just as well as lying to yourself ** Ktai sends openly ** Is it? ** Azeure nods ** You only rend yourself with not knowing ** Ktai lowers her gaze, and consequently, her head. Ktai sends openly ** I didn't used to be afraid... but now... ** Azeure sends openly ** I think everyone knows.. even you.. you just won't admit to yourself that he loves you ** Her send is startled. ** He doesn't! ** Azeure raises a brow ** I believe he does ** Ktai sighs heavily for her, her send soft. ** I know. I just wish he could show me without being afraid. ** Azeure sends openly ** Perhaps he is afraid that you do not love him? ** Ktai speaks softly, her voice thin. "I've told him, Azeure." Azeure sends openly ** But did you show him? ** Ktai looks up. ** How would I show him? ** Azeure shakes his head ** That only you can answer ** Ktai looks away, tears in her eyes. Azeure moves to you once more ** Why cry my dear Ktai? ** Ktai sends openly ** I'm afraid of hurting him... ** Azeure shakes his head ** It is better than being rent by lies ** Ktai leans against the wall again, sideways. Azeure stands at your side, watching you with gentle eyes ** Ktai.. one of these days.. you too will have to face what you fear ** Ktai closes her eyes. ** I don't fear much. ** Azeure nods, his send relays that he knows it is ** Mmmmhmm ** Ktai sighs. Ktai sends openly ** Azeure... what can I do? I feel like a fledgeling... afraid of her own shadow. ** Azeure sends openly ** Then face the shadow.. ** ** I... can't. If I did... I would truly fail. ** Ktai remains still, looking down to the floor. Azeure shakes his head ** Or you would succeed far greater than you might have dreamed my dear Ktai ** Ktai shakes slightly. ** I don't know... ** Azeure places a gentle hand on your shoudler ** Only one way to find out for certain ** Azeure merely offers his touch now, his arms wide and waiting Ktai turns away from the wall, tears falling again, into your arms. Azeure's arms wrap around you tightly, holding you to him, he remains quiet, content to let you cry your fears to him Ktai sends haltingly. ** If... I were to have chosen... a brother... I would have liked him to be you... ** After that, she simply sobs. Azeure hugs you tightly ** I call you sister for that reason Ktai.. ** Ktai sobs into the embrace, muffling the sounds of her tears lest they be heard. Azeure begins to hum softly to you, his arms tightly and protectively held around you. Ktai soothes after a time, her breathing turning easier. [And later....] Azeure hovers high in the hall, his thin fingers brushing along the smooth stone, he smiles softly as he notices you ** Hello again sister.. ** Ktai looks upwards, and nods quietly. Azeure smiles, settling down to you ** Did you rest? ** Ktai sends openly ** A... bit. ** Azeure nods, the smile remaining ** Good.. I'm glad ** Ktai smiles faintly. Azeure sends openly ** So what had you planned for the evening? ** Ktai's send is wry. ** Staying out of Rayek's way. ** Azeure arches a brow ** Oh?.. Why is that? ** Ktai looks upward to you from the floor. ** I'm still a bit shy of my shadow. ** Azeure smiles softly ** I see.. then shall I hold your hand sister? ** Ktai blushes, turning to look to the floor. Azeure touches your warming cheek gently ** You need not be shy of those who love you ** Ktai looks away. ** It's not he that I fear. ** Azeure watches you ** So what is it? ** Ktai sends openly ** Me. ** Azeure chuckles softly ** There is no reason to fear yourself Ktai ** Ktai sends openly ** Why not? ** Azeure sends openly ** Why fear yourself? ** Ktai sends openly ** I'm my worst enemy. ** Azeure nods ** Aren't we all? ** Ktai sends quietly. ** I... suppose so... ** Azeure's fingers leave your cheek slowly ** Then what have you to be afraid of? ** Ktai closes her eyes. ** Everything, nothing... I don't know. I just am. ** Azeure sends openly ** Then do yourself a favor and get on with it already.. get it over with.. the worst he can do is turn away.. and between you and I.. I doubt that is likely to happen.. ** Ktai opens her eyes to look to you in startlement. Azeure simply stands there, smiling a bit Ktai looks away. Azeure takes your hand gently ** Come sister ** Ktai looks at you. ** Where? ** Azeure sends openly ** To wherever your beloved is.. ** Ktai shakes her head. ** Oh... no.. I couldn't... ** Azeure arches a brow ** Then will you ever? ** Ktai sighs, biting her lip. It's quite easy to see where Eveshka gets it from. ** So much like her mother.. ** Ktai blinks. ** What? ** Azeure arches a brow ** You are both afraid of what you want most.. for yourselves when it is easily within reach ** ** Shades of another time. ** ** Aye.. but the past has a way of coming full circle ** Ktai sends openly ** So what do you propose I do, then? ** Azeure sends openly ** Whatever you wish most to do.. ** Ktai sends openly ** Then I think I'll just stay here. ** Azeure nods and releases your hand ** I see.. ** Ktai chokes softly, but remains in place. Azeure's send is gentle ** Then I shall stay with you this night? ** Ktai sighs softly. ** Azeure... ** Azeure arches a brow ** Yes? ** Ktai's send is alarmingly shy. ** Have... you ever loved so much... that you were perfectly willing to stand by and watch them? ** Azeure nods once ** I have.. ** Ktai sends openly ** I... feel like that about Rayek... ** Azeure sends openly ** She is now my lifemate.. and still I stand by and watch her.. ** Ktai nods slowly. Azeure squeezes your shoulder gently Ktai sighs softly. Azeure smiles reassuringly ** Don't wait too long Ktai.. he may just slip away ** Ktai looks to you, alarmed. Azeure arches a brow Ktai sends openly ** Oh ... I hope not... ** Azeure nods once ** As do I ** Ktai sighs faintly Azeure draws you gently into his arms Ktai curls to you, feeling lost. Azeure holds you tenderly, warmly. Ktai sends very shyly. ** I... think I would be content just to be by his side if nothing ever even happens... ** Azeure chuckles softly ** I know dear Ktai.. I know ** Ktai blushes deeply under her tan. Azeure hugs you a bit tighter Azeure curls around you gently, holding you in his warm embrace Ktai sighs. ** I ... just love him so much... Is that so wrong? ** Azeure shakes his head ** No sister.. not at all ** ** Then why does it hurt? ** Azeure smiles softly ** Because we all must hurt sometimes so that we can appreciate what it is to be loved in return.. ** Ktai sends openly ** Loving Valdir didn't hurt like this. Did I not love him? ** Azeure kisses your forehead softly and shakes his head ** You love him still.. ** Ktai nods slowly. ** And maybe that's why it hurts. ** Azeure nods ** Perhaps.. ** Azeure shakes his head ** I cannot know Ktai.. I can only be here to comfort you when you need sister ** Ktai just leans quietly against you Azeure softly kisses your temple and holds you there Ktai sends openly ** Thank you... ** Azeure raises a brow ** What ever for? ** Ktai sends openly ** For being here... and being you ** Azeure smiles faintly ** I'm glad I am here.. as for being me.. I've little choice about that my dear ** Ktai sends openly ** You don't have to be so kind. ** Azeure sends openly ** But I care about you Ktai ** Ktai sends openly ** Why? ** Azeure shakes his head ** I am unsure as to why.. but suffice to say I do ** Ktai hugs you on her own, her wordless send thanking you again. Azeure hugs you tenderly, smiling as he settles into your embrace Azeure smiles softly, his finger touching your lips with the lightest of touch Azeure locksends ** If I did not love you so.. I would not be here Ktai.. I have learned that love is quite multifacited.. ** Ktai blushes faintly. Azeure watches you quietly for a moment, smiling Ktai sends openly ** How is the best... way to tell him? ** Azeure sends openly ** When he wakes and finds himself in your arms.. and you tell him.. just how you love him.. send to him.. share that love you feel so that he can feel it too.. tell him you wish to be with him for all time.. ** Ktai looks down. ** He has been spending his nights in the Scroll Room... ** Azeure smiles demurely ** Then summon him to bed Ktai.. ** Ktai blinks. ** I... summon him? I couldn't! ** Azeure raises a brow ** Couldn't you?.. Surely you have not forgotten how.. ** Ktai sends openly ** I... would not presume to force my will on him... ** Azeure chuckles softly ** None said you had to -force- him dear sister ** Ktai sends openly ** Then what if he does not wish to? ** Azeure sends openly ** Then you go to him.. ** Ktai sends openly ** And then what...? ** Azeure sends openly ** Tell him.. show him.. whatever you must do to break through to him.. ** Ktai sighs softly. ** And if I hurt him? ** Azeure sends openly ** But it is better than being rent by lies ** Ktai nods slowly. She looks up towards the Scroll Chamber, eyes hooded. Azeure smiles softly, watching you Ktai sends openly ** Soon. Not now... I don't think... ** Azeure nods, hugging you gently ** Then stay with me for now.. ** Ktai smiles softly. ** For now... ** Azeure smiles and draws you to him gently, warmly ** Good ** Ktai lets herself be hugged, her eyes still turned upwards. Azeure holds you there in his arms, following your gaze Ktai sighs faintly. ** He's so caught in the Scrolls... ** Azeure nods ** I know how easy it is to lose track of onesself in them ** Ktai sends openly ** I've never tried... ** Azeure sighs softly ** I've met only with more questions ** Ktai sends openly ** I never wanted to ask mine, ** Azeure nods and hugs you tightly ** Perhaps that is best ** Ktai sighs. ** Perhaps I should have asked one... ** Azeure raises a brow ** Hmm? ** Ktai sends openly ** About Rayek... ** Azeure sends openly ** Best to ask him don't you think? ** Ktai smiles. ** You know... I think I just might do that... ** Azeure smiles softly ** Good.. ** Ktai blushes a touch now, nothing nearly as deep as before. Azeure hugs you gently ** A pity I shall have to leave so soon ** Ktai's eyes flicker to you. ** Leave? ** Azeure nods ** I must go back.. ** ** Many depend on me.. ** Ktai looks down. ** I know... ** Azeure watches you quietly for a long moment before sending ** I will return.. this palace calls to me.. I cannot stay away long ** Ktai nods. ** Then go carefully, Azeure... the Mountain is a dangerous place... ** Azeure sends openly ** That is exactly why I must return.. ** Ktai frowns slightly. ** Pardon me? ** Azeure sends openly ** I must try to make it safe.. and nurturing as it once was.. ** Ktai nods slowly. ** It won't be easy. ** Azeure nods, hugging you to him once more ** Ktai.. have you ever known me to take the easy road? ** Ktai shakes her head. ** No... ** Azeure smiles softly ** Well then? ** Ktai sends openly ** I can only wish you the best... ** Azeure nods, smiling still ** Thank you sister.. ** Ktai hugs you in silence. Azeure curls around you and smiles Ktai sends openly ** You'd best be getting ready... when are you leaving? ** Azeure sends openly ** My things are stowed.. I shall probably leave in the late afternoon.. ** Ktai nods. ** Do you need food? ** Azeure shakes his head ** I was thinking to take a few of the strips of meat with me.. ** Ktai shakes her head. ** You'll take more than that if I have any say about it. Enough for you and your bond. ** Azeure chuckles quietly and softly kisses your cheek ** Ktai.. you are wonderful ** Ktai shakes her head. ** No. You are. ** Azeure smiles and hugs you tightly Ktai hugs back. ** Now... shall we see about getting you some food for the trip? ** Azeure smiles ** Sure.. ** Ktai heads outside. ** Well, come on... ** Azeure follows, smiling [End log.]