The World of Pern(tm) is copyright to Anne McCaffrey (c) l967. The Dragonriders of Pern(r) is a registered copyright. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Just a Little More Time Passes.... Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima takes a moment to wonder, having just finished reading a log of Tria's lecture--if a regular dragon eats approx. 20 critters per month, how many Nazis and Aztecs can a carnivorous dragon-sized parakeet snack on in one sitting? (And how many calories are in those things, anyway? Do they meet the RDA of protein?) From afar, Mehlani suggests Lysseth try the Aztecs first. Good, wholesome jungle livin' makes for lean, tasty flesh -- what am I saying?! You paged Mehlani with 'Yeah, but those kilts always get stuck in her teeth-- the belts, y'know. 'Course, now that she has a beak, maybe that wouldn't be a problem... she could just devour them all after they pay all their cash for souvenirs. Maybe she'll even get to try out a few recipes, since the meat's so readily available, though personally I find the idea of a 25-meter green parakeet in a chef's hat unsettling....'. Mehlani pages: You don't find a 25-meter parakeet unsettling in and of itself? You paged Mehlani with 'Nahhhh. But if it were wearing *clothes*... aside from a Hawaiian shirt. *That* might look normal. But I don't even want to think about a kilt and chef's hat. (Of course, that might have the side-bonus that all the Aztecs and Nazis would die laughing, but that wouldn't get the good bloodshed ratings I'm hoping for!)'. Mehlani pages: True, true, and we do still need to accomplish the dramatic escape from the villains' lair while everything is getting blown sky high scene. You paged Mehlani with 'Righteo. Escaping from weapon-wielding enemies amidst fire, flood (with the Water, no less), and earthquake is somehow much more suspenseful than tripping over people who are rolling on the floor, laughing themselves unto their demise. Not to say we'd be able to escape before the conclusion of the Swooning Contest anyway... being ringed by Aztecs and Nazis who are disappointed by paying two bucks and not getting to see the final round isn't exactly a Good Situation.'. From afar, Mehlani nodnodnods. So where were we... ah yes, Lyssethkeet was scolding Indy Holl about needing to show 'Lani his adoration, admiration, adulation, and all around deep feeling for her via the Impression bond, yep yep yep yep Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima .o0(Not to say I'm not willing to take them all on with my Arsenal of Death, but really, being surrounded by pregnant and proddified Aztecs and Nazis prolly wouldn't be much improvement.) Yep! And Kassi's busily selling Vidarthburgers to the audience, in hopes of gaining a new market for BoV. She does look a bit concerned, as having the hero lose would not only lower the movie's popularity but also make it a heck of a lot harder to get to the Amulet of Yendor... she can always ally with the Nazis to get the Ring, but Nazis are useless in the Dungeons of Doom. Mehlani pages: And Indy Holl, eyeing the scolding Lyssethkeet, mutters, "Alright, alright, I know, I know..." But the polymorphed dragon's advice isn't QUITE so easy as it looks, as Indy turns to Mehlani and tries to summon up some kind of appropriate thing to send or say to her. Mehlani watches him hopefully, and as he finally manages to project << love/adoration/(Feed Me! Whoops, sorry, 'Lani honey, force of habit)/affection/love >> at her, the maiden's face begins to light up. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima meanwhile uses the zoom-lens to get a really good close-up shot. If Mehlani actually *does* swoon, she can use this scene as proof that it *is* possible! Plus, it'll at least get a few people from the EGA to go see the film. She hopes. In any rate, dramatic and sentimental moments are a big plus. On a mental command, Lysseth chomps an Aztec priest who won't stop playing the drums and is thus ruining the mood music. << Needs salt, >> the giant parakeet opines. From afar, Mehlani takes a few wobbly steps towards Indiana Holl and falls towards him; he promptly grabs her, and the two wrap their arms around one another. Mehlani stares liquidly into his face, and he into hers, before the maiden turns and addresses everyone else, "I'm terribly sorry, but I can't choose the Priest -- I was already spoken for, anyway!" As she speaks, Indiana Holl lights up, too. You paged Mehlani with 'As the crowd goes wild, Kassi raises her hands and declares, "The Competition is finished! I, as Designated Sacred Scorekeeper, hereby proclaim the maiden duly swooned; Indiana Holl is the victor!" The Aztecs and Nazis who dare throw food at her in reply are soon discovering the true joys of motherhood, as the squalling of hungry and angry children fills the room. Still plenty of legitimate Enemies to go through to make good on their escape, though... not to mention getting the Ring! "You have been defeated, Priest! By laws of combat, you must let the villain go free and proclaim that you would have gotten away with it all if it hadn't been for those snoopy kids!"'. Mehlani pages: The Aztec Priest, however, is now turning crimson in fury, though he somehow manages to look gorgeous even when wrathful. "What?! She was already _spoken_ for?!" From afar, Mehlani looks up and nods dreamily. "He's my fire lizard, you see, so even before Kassima changed him, I was rightfully entitled to swoon at him." Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima shrugs and points to the script. "Rules are rules, you see. Fire-lizards have a prior claim over every human being, though perhaps not dragons--or, at least, they think they do. Ask my fair some time. Bet they'll tell you. The victory belongs," she takes a moment to gag quietly before forcing herself to go on through grit teeth, "The good guys. Oh, what depths I've sunk to for the sake of an Oscar!" Mehlani pages: The Aztec Priest roars, "I have been competing in combat with a FIRE LIZARD?! The sacred ritual has been profaned! SEIZE THEM!" At that, Indy and 'Lani both look up, mutter "Uh oh," at the same time, and promptly duck as five Aztecs at once try to tackle them. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima cheers! Finally, the bloodshed and havoc she'd been hoping for. "He's not a fire-lizard any*more*, Twinkies-for-brains," she takes a moment to yell in the Aztec Priest's direction, before drawing out that bag full of poisoned rope-spikes she pilfered before and using a handy blowpipe to shoot them at various Aztec types. Just because it seems appropriate, she also uses the retrieved Wand to zap Lysseth into the very image of Kukulcan/Quetzalcoatl. << A SNAKE WITH WINGS?!?!? >> Lysseth shrieks in protest. << Couldn't I have just stayed a HORSE? >> From afar, Mehlani grabs up something nice and heavy and unwieldy to clobber attacking Aztecs with, while Indiana Holl just starts swinging punches. << The Ring! Indy, don't forget the Ring! >> << Right, kid! I'm on it! >> The ex-flit and the ex-child slowly battle their way towards the shrine where the Ring is being kept -- and there, the Aztec Priest has already stationed himself, now armed with a very large, very wicked-looking spear, and he is flanked by two henchmen almost as large as he is. Indy disarms the henchmen -- no, no, he takes their WEAPONS with his bullwhip, he doesn't rip their arms off! -- and then he and 'Lani freeze, muttering, "Uh oh," in concert again as the Priest hefts his spear! You paged Mehlani with 'After briefly explaining to Lysseth that symbolism is everything in life, Kassi looks rather disappointed when she sees there've been no ripped-off arms yet. But wait! There's that annoying Priest guy, and he's trying to keep the Ring from them? After all the aiding and abetting of Good-Doers she's had to do to get this far? "Think again, bub!" Kassi screeches as she pelts over to the little group, dropping the Hose as she goes; no *way* is she going to use Water at close range. Instead, she aims her newest weapon of technology (or maybe just bizarrity) at him: the Proddy-Hamster-O-Zap, as little red eyes that belong to the glowing green hamster in the barrel peer out at the Priest....'. Mehlani pages: As just about every Aztec in sight falls down in superstitious awe at the polymorphed Lysseth, Mehlani senses an implement of proddy doom 'n' death in the vicinity, and yelps at Indy Holl, << Duck! >> He does, so does she, leaving a clear line of fire at the Priest, who growls menancingly at Indy, intending to deal him a few more of those wounds Nobly Gained in Dangerous Combat, preferably enough to end the combat in his own favor and leave himself a clear path to the yonder maiden. You paged Mehlani with 'Lysseth looks down thoughtfully at all the awed Aztecs, and hrms. << You know, this form might not be so bad after all.... >> Kassi, of course, is too bent on her horrendous rodent attack to notice. "One green hamster sandwich, coming right up!" As the strange gun in her hands fires three times, three blazingly bright furry little bolts of green zooooooooom towards the Swoonpriest, intent on fastening their canines into his throat! Loud war-cries of 'Cheeble, cheeble, cheeble!' can be heard as Kassi blasts the gun again and again and again.... Suddenly, a voice booms out! "Keeps firing! Nothing outlasts the Energizer Batte--AIYEEEEEEEE!" This is screamed as the announcer-type abruptly finds a proddy hamster stuffed down his throat.'. Mehlani pages: The hamster hits! The hamster bites! The hamster bites! Swoonpriest is about to die --more--... and in the meantime, Indy makes a desperate grab for the Ring of F'lar. He gets it, and it blazes up suddenly in brilliant white light. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima clangs the Swoonpriest over the head with the gun, and kicks him, too, just to demonstrate the powers of her new spike-tipped Swoonpriestess boots. Then she's forced to wince away from the light, unable to stand being near such radiance. "Knew I should've packed my sharding sunscreen!" she mutters to herself as she cloaks herself in nice, protective darkness. Shot through with flickers of green lightning, too, just for visual effect. Thus shielded, she manages to make her way through the terrible light, leaving dark footprints as she goes. "The Ring!" she breathes. "You have the Ring...!" Hey, it never hurts to state the obvious. Mehlani pages: The Aztecs are already scared silly by Lysseth, and prostrate on the ground, so they don't see what's going on; the Nazis, or what's left of 'em, take one look at the blazing Ring and promptly flee, remembering the LAST time an ancient artifact of power blazed up like that in Indy's presence. In the meantime, wide-eyed, Indy stares at the thing blazing in his palm, and murmurs to Mehlani, "Why's it doing THAT?!" From afar, Mehlani, seeming undaunted by the glare, considers the Ring, then announces wisely, "It just Searched you, Holl. It knows you'd make a great bronze rider, just like I said!" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima reaches out to try and touch the Ring, but a thin crackle of bronze lightning zaps towards her finger in warning. Though repelled by the green lightning that acts as Kassi's natural shielding in cases such as this, Kassi doesn't look too happy about it. "Frickin' frackin' Artifacts," she mutters, then turns to Holl and Mehlani, green eyes wide with alarm. "Oh, no! A bronzerider?" She shudders. "But I remember what happened the *last* time I tried to retrieve the Amulet with a bronzerider--being brainless and waifish is *not* fun!" She doesn't mention evil-less, after all, since she doesn't want to give herself away on the *extreme* off-chance that someone in the audience/main character cast hasn't realized that she's Evil yet. "Besides, Candidates can't go on Quests...!" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima eyes the Ring with extreme distrust. "And how can a non-sentient object Search someone, anyway?" She's not, needless to say, letting this go without a fight. "At any rate, at least we can get this Artifact to a museum. Then we can see about the next one. Oh, and of course, we'll have to make a daring escape scene through the Temple, as the Fire, Flood, and Earthquakes should be starting right about... now." Indeed, the ceiling that was sopped with Water begins to rain it down on everyone, fire bursts from the shaking floor for no apparent reason, and a few knives are flung here and there as well just for effect. From afar, Mehlani and Indy yelp. Indy tells 'Lani, "C'MON!" and promptly grabs her arm, and while he's at it, hastily puts his fedora on her head in a noble endeavor to protect the top of her skull from anything that might damage it while they're fleeing. Hastily stepping across scores of Aztecs still worshipping the transformed Lyssecoatl, the hero and heroine beat a hasty retreat. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima yells, "Hey! Wait for me! I'm still the one with the camcorder, you know!" She takes a last parting kick at the dead Swoonpriest, before running for her life over to the QuetzaLysseth. "Get us *out* of here!" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima also kerthwaps her enter key. "Before the Water comes crashing on our heads! Fire and earthquake, who cares, but the *Water*?" Yelping her own yelp of alarm, Lyss starts fleeing as best she can with only wings and no legs. << I really am going to get you for this, Kassi! >> Mehlani pages: As the main theme blares triumphantly from the orchestra, hero, heroine, incognito villainess and dragon-turned-mythic-figure scramble for safety, freedom, and somewhere they can be without impending threat of involuntary reproduction. After a mad dash through the ruined Temple, charging across several booby traps (which involve more than one application of the handy bullwhip), the party FINALLY emerges into the jungle... You paged Mehlani with 'Dozens and dozens of Aztecs suddenly snap out of their awe-inspired trance... just in time to get deluged by the Water. Needless to say, their end is not pretty. Kassi pauses only to slaughter a few more Aztecs along the way, stealing a kilt or two with claims that she has friends who could *really* use a kilting back at the Weyr, and manages to thread her way past the hero and heroine aboard her complaining mythic-figure. "Never thought I'd be glad to see this place again," Kassi grumbles as she stows the purloined kilts away. "Hey! Did Phil get out all right?" Fortunately, Phil and the rest of the film crew had on rings of teleport and teleport-control, so they're fine. "Good! Now, where's Blekhmet? Maybe he can lead us to the nearest museum, and a four-star restaraunt too. All that scorekeeping's made me famished."'. Mehlani pages: Once the party has safely emerged from the Temple, Indy staggers to a screeching halt (though he screeches a lot more quietly than Fritz did), blinks bemusedly at 'Lani, and mumbles, "'Lani, honey, check the script. I feel awful tired alluva sudden..." Mehlani obliges, and tsks at the note that says 'Once the crisis mode is over, the hero is supposed to faint.' This she shows to Indy, who promptly swoons right into her lap. *thop* 'Lani then settles down to fan Indy with his fedora, and observes to Kassima, "We left Blekhmet back with the horses, yes?" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima takes a few quick snapshots of all the swooning going on, by now having several rolls of film of just such events. Rather like a tourist, come to think of it. "Oh, right, the horses. That reminds me...." Lyss-Kulkulcan takes one look up at her rider and groans. << Surely not...! >> "It's a rule, Lyss. Everybody's got to ride *horses* off into the sunset, not dragons, parakeets, or Toltec deities." << But I *like* being worshipped! >> "We'll see about *that* when we go after the Amulet of Yendor, hmmm?" After 'morphing Lyss back into her rather unenthusiastic horse-form, Kassi rides off to untie and ungag Blekhmet. "She's evil, I tell you!" the Egyptian guide babbles at the top of his lungs. "EEEEVIIIIIIIIL!" "Poor Blekhmet obviously has a case of heat prostration," Kassi calls over, trying to be reassuring, then leans over to tell Blekhmet just what she'll do to him if he ever does something like that again. When they and the horses return to the clearing, Blekhmet is all full of smiles and praises for Her Most Sacred Goodness, the Wise, Courageous, Beautiful, Phenomenal Kassima... at least, until said Phenomenal One elbows him in the gut for being *too* smarmy. From afar, Mehlani has remained blissfully oblivious of poor Blekhmet's plight, as she gently fan's Indy Holl's face, admiring the lines of his features, and smoothing his hair back off his forehead, while thinking, .oO (Gosh, I like scritching his eyeridges a LOT more now!) Indy just remains oblivious and enswooned. But at the sound of the horses, 'Lani DOES look up, and she greets Kassima with, "Hrmm. You don't have any more of the Water, do you?" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima just has to do a double--no, wait, triple-take on that one as she dumps poor Blekhmet on the ground, where he abruptly flees behind his horse for safety's sake. "Of course; I have a near inexhaustible supply of the stuff, meant for spiking any and all drinks I can get my hands on except my own." The following announcement has been brought to you by the Evil Villains' Law Number Something-Or-Other, which states villains must always give some hint of their terribly cruel Wicked Plans to the good guys ahead of time. From afar, Mehlani holds out a dainty hand. "May I borrow a bit of it, please?" Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima withdraws a small crystal vial of the deceptively plain-looking liquid, handing it over to Mehlani and almost involuntarily backing up a step or two. That Water's evil, evil stuff. She really must remember to bug Salless again for the recipe.... Calling over the film crew, she cues for a suspense-filled melody to play as the audience waits breathlessly to see just *what* Mehlani plans to do with that Water. From afar, Mehlani, however, looks utterly unruffled. Laying Indy's fedora down beside him, she unstoppers the flask and, ever so gently, pours a single drop of the stuff on the nasty-looking scrape along the side of his head. Light glimmers, and as Indy stirs and murmurs under his breath, the wound vanishes. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima blinks, and looks indignant. "That stuff's supposed to cause pregnancy, not *heal*!" she complains. "You mean it has a *good* use?" What a gyp! Never mind Salless's recipe; she'll make one of her own, without *that* little flaw in it. "Well," she admits a trifle ungraciously--aww, heck, why not admit it? A whole lot ungraciously, "I suppose this will allow us to get the Ring to the safety of a museum a whole lot faster, at least." From afar, Mehlani looks up and says benignly, "It's chock full of maternal instincts, you see, and what better use to applying maternal instincts than tending a poor wounded hero?" That observation made, Mehlani carefully pours a few more drops here and there along Indy Holl's battered form. Slowly but surely he begins looking rather more hale. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima wrinkles her nose. "Yeah, but it's also supposed to cause pregnancy on contact. Don't ask me how; I've been trying to figure that out for a looong time, but can't seem to manage it. Still, if I could conquer the power that allows the Water to spread the Flu to men and women alike...!" Another chilling chord strikes, and Kassi doesn't yell at the sound-effects man this time. "Woulda thought somehow that distraught maidenly instincts would be better, but hey, suit yourself. So long as we can get that Ring nice and locked u--I mean, safe in a museum, and pick up a bite to eat on the way back, then color me happy." Kassi takes a moment to pull a giant crayon out of her satchel marked 'Happy' and color one of the film crew, just to see if it works. Said crewmember jumps up and down with joy and goes pelting into the jungle, so full is he of sheer happiness and delight--only to be eaten by the Leopard. Oh, well. From afar, Mehlani restoppers the bottle, and says to Kassima, "Just a moment..." Leaning over Indy Holl, she watches him breathlessly as he stirs, eyelids fluttering. He wakes to give her a look just about as meltingly adoring as any newly hatched bronzeling would give a new bondmate, and Mehlani asks him gently, "You okay now, Holl?" Mehlani pages: Indy considers, nods firmly, and picks up the fedora, to settle it back into place upon his head. "Thanks, kid. Why didn't that stuff make me pregnant?" Mehlani chuckles, and murmurs, "Oh, it would NOW, because you're no longer wounded. It only heals if you've been injured in valiant combat and have swooned in a maiden's presence." Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima snaps her fingers. "Drat! There goes one more path of Water Avoidance down the drain." Should've known valor or one of those other hero qualities would have to be involved. Isn't that always the way? Why can't there be a rule about the Water that says you're safe around it if you've done a Wicked Deed in the past 24 hours? Then Kassi could stop having to do those darned spit-takes every time Ryialla tells her just how much Water's in whatever she's eating... c'est la vie. "Y'know, I've got to admit, aside from the Ring, these Priestess gowns do help to make up for the loss of those proddy hamsters and other weapons. Normal Greenrider Priestess gowns start out green, and have to be *turned* red... still, I'm going to miss Muffy, Fluffy, and Buffy." Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima explains quickly, before anyone can think she was actually sentimental enough about hamsters to *name* them, "I just call them that so that the crew will know where to put 'em in the film credits. Really! Would there be any point, after all, to naming suicidal proddy vampire hamsters from heck?" From afar, Mehlani and Indy Holl simply grin, as the latter hoists the former up onto Fritz -- "Sorry, Tsornin, she's riding with me now!" -- and as the credits in question start to roll, hero and heroine charge off into the sunset. Long distance to Mehlani: Kassima gallops off after them on her gallant (and still peeved) green horse, and a grumble of, "They'd *better* be heading for a restaraunt after this museum business is over," as the disguised villain and her sidekick disappear over the horizon. "Hey! Wait for me!" cries Blekhmet, and he and his rather overweight pony trot after... only to fall off face-first in the sand, as the scene fades to black with a stirring music riff!