Log by Northwind Log Mar1503 Northwind Skywise Shadows.txt Title: Sacrifice? Summary: Shadows tries to get Skywise to eat and he and Northwind try to cheer the troubled stargazer. Northwind see how thin Shadows is and is shocked. NOTE: The first part of this log is a continuation of Northwind's previous encounter with Skywise (dated 14 March). Lost Holt Clearing Here is where the elves of Lost Holt Gather for tribe councils, howls and receiving visitors from other tribes. This large clearing is fringed by slender saplings that have sprung up after the fire so many turns ago. The ground is packed in tightly and covered with twigs and some fallen branches. In the center lies a stone ring. It lies unlit now and filled with rocks and leaves as the time of the Newgreen comes to release the holt of the grip of the whitecold season. There are many roots to sit on as well as one particularly large branch, that looks to have fallen sometime during the fierce season of death-sleep. As the daystar sets the air turns chilly in the NewGreen evening. Shadows arrives from the Hill. Skywise heads down from the overlook, which gives a splendid view of the clearing. Though he seems to be alone, it may be that Northwind just hasn't caught up with him. He heads towards the father tree, near directly, striding through the clearing towards it. True enough, the pale elf maid appears moments later, moving at a light trot. Shadows is over by himself, skinning a very scrawny looking gopher. Skywise arches a brow at Shadows as he seems to be working on skinning something, though it seems indiscernible to Skywise. ** Looks like you found something? ** He asks, of Shadows, and glances back towards Northwind as he stops near the father tree. Shadows looks up at Skywise and smiles, ** It's for you! I spent all morning finding it. You need meat. ** The elf maid smiles as she sees Shadows. ** Ayooah ** she sends, along with approval at the gesture. The famine has not been kind to many of the Lost Holters. Though he is appreciative of the gesture, Skywise waves a hand at Shadows. "There are far more that need the meat more than I, even yourself." He says, noting Shadow's own small form. "I do appreciate it though, Shadows." By now, Northwind is standing well inside the clearing. She sits on the large fallen branch and tilts her head to one side. "It may be small, but it -can- be shared out. Why don't you take at least a small bit, Skywise?" she suggests a compromise. Skywise looks to Shadows as he falls silent, shaking his head at Northwind's suggestion. ** There are others in worse shape than I am, I'd rather it go to them. ** He sends, assured in his line of thought before his silvery gaze lifts to the father tree. A bit of a tense look comes over him as he moves towards the entrance. ** Cutter calls for me, I must go. ** He sends, and darts inside, whatever it is, it must be important. Northwind watches the stargazer answer the call of his 'brother in all but blood' and a flicker of wistfulness dims her eyes briefly. Then, her glacial eyes fall on Shadows and his skinned kill. Yes, she thinks, she -should- hunt, for those in the tribe that need it. "Wish me good hunting," she says, rising to her feet. She reaches out mentally for Sunrest, finding him idly trying to catch silverfins beside the river. ** Ayooah ** she sends to Shadows in parting. [Later...] Behind the Father Tree As you walk around the Father Tree, you come upon a sight unexpected in a Wolfrider Holt. It is evident that Redlance has been putting to use the skills learned long ago in the Sun Village. A neatly tilled garden lies in front of you, a few green buds appear in the loamy soil and along the edges of the garden are stakes, set in even rows to be used for support of slender stalks as they grow. A tiny opening leads into the back of the Father Tree. Off to the north- east lies another large tree, small in comparison to the Father Tree, but quite large enough to house many elves. As the daystar sets the air turns chilly in the NewGreen evening. Shadows didn't eat his gopher. And the elf does look like he's getting thinner and thinner. He is currently helping to groom out some of the shedding coat from his bond's fur. Northwind emerges into the clearing at the base of the Father Tree, draped over Sunrest's back, hands and legs dangling listlessly. The wolf snorts an acknowledgment at Shadows, causing Northwind to sit up. ** Greetings ** she sends, sounding tired. Shadows sees Northwind and smiles brightly. ** Ayooah Northwind....You are well? ** Nighttime. Wondrous. Belynrath is out and about, as usual. His overcloak, his turned into a collection bag as the weather has begun to think about warming, and in it is some season goodies. Scarcely enough to feed a full grown elf, but still, quite an amount, considering his background. Heard the sends, Belynrath moves to the edge of the clearing; the guards that watch over him moving with him. Sunrest comes to a stop amid the huge roots of the Father Tree and stands still while Northwind slides off his back. Then he settles beside her, delivering a wet lick to one pointy ear. ** Shadows, ayooah ** She notices him still holding the skinned kill and frowns absently. ** You should eat that before it goes bad ** she points out practically. ** No use wasting a good kill ** The elf maid breaks off the send as Sunrest looks up alertly to the edge of the clearing. Shadows looks at Northwind and smiles slightly, ** Its just the pelt. I gave it away. There are others who can stomach the burnt water who would appreciate it more. ** He glances at Belynrath and nods his head slightly. ** I have some herbs for you to give to Cirksa...she might appreciate them. ** Belynrath quirks a brow sharply under his mask. His send is almost dripping cold, **Do tell.** Ah, the masked one. ** Shade ** she sends in greeting. Northwind looks a little more alert from where she is sitting among the protruding roots of the Father Tree, with one arm around Sunrest. She stops the question she was about to send Shadows to let him address Belynrath first. Shadows frowns a little, ** It is a mint. They can be used to make a drink that is supposed to be good. I have not tried it. ** Belynrath practically sneers as he turns to continue collecting things his already proven to himself to be safe to eat, **Then I highly suggest you try it first, lest My Lady believe you try to poison her.** ** This is not the Underworld. ** Skywise sends, catching the end of Belynrath's send as he steps outside of the Father Tree. The look of one who's not had a good day's sleep and seems irritable is apparent on his face. He looks as though he were about to send more, but leaves it at that, as he leans against the tree itself. Northwind frowns at the Underworlder's tone, feeling Sunrest's ruff bristle in response to her emotion. She has had only brief contact with Belynrath so far, however, and decides to hold her tongue for the time being and just watch. She shoots a quick glance at Shadows to see how he reacts to the elf's gruff reception before Skywise's sending breaks into the tableau. She sees him appear from the Father Tree. He looks as bad as I feel, she thinks in a strange blend of worry and amusement. She waits to see how the Underworlder responds to the stargazer's send. You locksend ** Shade and sweet starlight to you ** to Skywise. Shadows breaks into a smile as Skywise cuts in. He gives Belynrath a slight glare, ** I served Cirksa willingly. I would not poison the one who freed me. ** He gets to his feet and unwraps a small bundle to hand to Skywise. It is a portion of dried meat. ** Here, I saved this for you. I can stomach nibbling the plants. Please take the meat.** Skywise locksends ** How are you tonight, well, I hope? ** Belynrath doesn't seem impressed. His known too many elves that claimed to serve anotherly willingly, only to turn around and stab them in the back. He flicks a glance at Skywise, replying, **All the more reason to be on our guard, don't you think?** He resumes searching for edibles. Skywise narrows his eyes at Belynrath, never really trusting them being in the holt, anyways. But, he sends nothing in response to the reply from the tall Underworlder, instead his silvery gaze flickers down towards the bundle that Shadows places in his hand, quirking a bit of a smile. ** You should take some for yourself, I can fend for myself. ** Course, he doesn't do such a good job hunting when he's playing tribe advisor. Northwind bits her lip to hold back sharp words at the masked elf. She does not know the arrangements between him and the chief and as a guest, she cannot speak out of turn. Trying to reclaim the cold detachment she dwelt in for so long, she continues to watch him foray at the edge of the holt clearing for leaves. Sunrest, in response to her mood, growls low in his throat but she quickly pulls his head down and strokes his underbelly to distract him. And quieten the aggressive noise. Shadows shakes his head, ** I had a bite earlier....You take this. Please for me? ** The elf stares at Skywise almost pleadingly as he begins to back away so the meat can't be returned to him. It's part of his rations. He then turns to Northwind, ** Are you well? ** He appears to be ignoring Belly for the moment. Ignored. That's fine. Means these smelly, noisy elves will let him go about his work in peace. Belynrath's working slowly, collecting the best of what meager yield there is, and placing it carefully in his folded overcloak. You locksend ** Quite. But you--? ** to Skywise. Skywise lets Belynrath get whatever he needs done out of the way, he knows it's pointless to make argument that it'd be far easier to kill the Underworlders with a well placed arrow rather than the joy of poisoning they may be fond of. He keeps hold of the offered meat that Shadows leaves him with, either not having the strength to hand it back or the will to. ** Thank you, Shadows. ** He sends, knowing full well speech is something Bely would really scoff at. His gaze flickers over towards Northwind, and he offers a meek smile and a private send to her. Skywise locksends ** Just tired, it was a long day. ** Northwind continues to watch the Underworlder with cool eyes, even as her fingers soothe her irritable wolf. She looks quickly at Skywise, then Shadows as he sends. ** Better than you, friend ** she says, eyeing his gaunt frame. ** Take better care of yourself, Shadows, not just of others ** she sends. Then, hoping to sting him into doing so, she adds deliberately ** Each member must be healthy for the pack to be strong ** She eyes both elves with something akin to exasperation; pushing meat between the two. Selflessness can only be taken so far before it hurts others -and- one's self. You locksend ** comfort/care/support ** to Skywise. Shadows shakes his head, ** The pack is more important then the single elf. I am only a visitor. My presence is making other elves suffer. I have no rank or place among this holt. The others get first foods. I can nibble plants to take the edge off of the hunger. ** Belynrath rolls his eyes under his mask. Belynrath is so unused to scent being as telling as body language. His steps move him from the clearing a bit more as he searches. From above him, a guard clears her throat, letting moonlight gleam from an arrowhead, letting Belynrath know that's not a direction he's allowed to take. The Underworlder looks up at the guard in the trees, then back in the direction he was headed. He knows there may be more edibles that way; foodstuffs he hasn't collected because he's not allowed to roam that far. He sighs, and turns to make his way back to the denning cave. Skywise just remains silent as he leans against the tree, his gaze following the Underworlder as he makes his way unduly back towards the denning cave with little more than a shrug. He glances towards Shadows, and Northwind, but remains silent at her bit of 'advice' which he already knows. But he also knows Shadows can only take so much rejection. It's likely he'll pawn the meat off on someone more needy than he, but he won't say that outright. Just a sigh, is all that comes from the stargazer. Northwind should know better than to chastise a member of the tribe she's guesting with, but she has seen this selfless refusal to eat more times than she cares to. Too often, it is the truly needy that refuse the meat. All the same, she quells her impulse to comment on Shadows' send, leaving pointed silence on the matter. She watches the Underworlder move off, continuing his search elsewhere. A guest herself, she keeps silent on that subject as well. Instead, she composes herself and lets Sunrest up. The wolf lolls his tongue and draps his jaw in a wolfish grin at the two other elves. She looks at Skywise and her sending is heavy with question ** Skywise, you would know; how fares the tribe, truly? Has newgreen not helped? ** Shadows frowns a bit, ** I have been trying to grow the grass thick and green for the animals to return. But they don't seem to be returning like they should. ** Skywise just glances down at the small bundle in his hand, really not a whole lot to it, it seems, as his gaze flickers back over towards Northwind at her question. ** The hunt is scarce, so no, it is not much better than through whitecold. ** That anyone could tell, from the looks of the land around and the considerable lack of normal prey the wolfriders seek. ** And nobody can force Shadows to eat. It is his decision to make. ** He seems assured in that, as much as you could lead an animal to water but can't force it to drink. Northwind has only experience the newgreen in this land - or rather, a land much like this one - once before and so is unsure of what is the expected. She has met many of the holters and seen the pack. All are thin, and some of the wolves seemed alarmingly listless. Guest she may be, and not a full member of the tribe, but Northwind holds to her pledge; she will do anything in her ability to help the tribe. To Skywise's words on Shadows, she can only duck a head in agreement, mindful that there is still much she needs to learn. She looks at Shadows, sending a tentative apology if anything she said was hurtful backed by an urging to take better care of himself. Shadows doesn't seem to be offended at all. He just smiles softly, ** Please eat it Skywise. It will make you happier. ** He then turns to Northwind, ** I will be fine. It is more important for the better hunters and important tribe members to eat. ** Skywise grimaces at the meat, seems the thought of it isn't even very appealing right now as he slumps down at the base of the tree, looking upwards into the branches. ** There are few things that would make me happy right now. ** He sends, looking across the clearing, and setting the wrapped meat beside him. Too tired to argue with Shadows, it seems, as he falls silent. To hunt, or not, he ponders the question silently. For some reason, the sight of the usually impish stargazer slumped at the base of the tree looking utterly dejected has a strange effect on the pale elf maid. She feels a guffaw bubble up her throat and tries to swallow it, being inappropriate. But the mirth will not be subdued and swallowing it only makes it worse. She chokes, then begins to giggle. Desperately, she buries her face in her hands, shoulders shaking. Sunrest, tongue still lolling out dances between the three elves friskily. Shadows is very confused by Northwind. He gets up to head toward Skywise, ** Is she foamsick? ** He sits next to the starwatcher and leans his head against Skywise, ** Please get better. I miss your smiles. You helped keep everyone happy. ** A low grumble can be heard from the area of Shadows' gut. The elf just closes his eyes, relaxing next to the watcher. The stargazer reaches up to pat Shadows on the arm, not giving Northwind much acknowledgement for her stifled giggles. Too much on Skywise's mind, and the lack of sleep isn't helpful, it'd be hard for any to maintain what his usual demeanor is under those conditions. ** I'm fine Shadows, just tired. ** He sends, and it's truthful. The only thing anyone might have an inkling of, is that he's been spending more time in Cutter and Leetah's den than he used to. Shadows locksends ** Shall we see if Skywise is ticklish? ** You locksend ** I really don't know how that would be taken in his current mood ** to Shadows. Shadows locksends ** It cannot be much worse then it is now ** You locksend ** All right. I'll laugh harder and you can tickle him. Deal? ** to Shadows. Shadows locksends ** Okay ** Slowly, the sudden attack of mirth subsides and Northwind peeks up from her fingers, looking contrite. ** I'm sorry. No, I'm not foam-sick, Shadows. It's just that - looking at you both, so utterly at the bottom of a troll-pit... ** she looks at Shadows and then her eyes slide to Skywise's glum face and she chokes on another fit of giggles. This time, she can't contain herself and her laughter fills the night air. In the midst of her laughter, she sends ** Wolfrider, holt-mates, won't you leave your cares for tomorrow and laugh with me? ** Shadows smirks evilly and suddenly pounces Skywise and begins tickling him! He is clearly trying to get Skywise to laugh, even a little. ** Fear us! ** Skywise just grins a little as Shadows starts tickling him, though he evades a bit of it. He rises to stand, a sleepy look on his face as he glances up towards the tree he'd left not long ago. ** I would, Northwind, if there were more to be joyful about. ** He sends, and quips a bit of a smile at her before slipping into the shade of the tree itself. ** I need sleep, before I can laugh. But, maybe you can cheer Shadows. ** He adds, and disappears inside. You locksend ** Well...we tried. ** to Shadows. Sobered by the stargazer's sending, Northwind's laughter is abruptly cut short. She watches him retreat into the tree, her face now an impassive mask. Only Sunrest remains in the jubilant mood and even then not for long as the stillness in the glade permeates his wolf-thought. Shadows's expression falls. He looks at Northwind as Skywise leaves. ** I messed up. ** ** No, Shadows ** Northwind reassures, eyes still resting where the stargazer had disappeared. ** It is only that he is tired and more troubled than we can help, however much we may wish to. ** Shadows pretty much crumbles against the tree, tears streaming down his face. He shifts a bit and the elf's chest is noticeable. The ribs stand out. He curls on the roots. ** I understand. ** He closes his eyes, ** I wish I could help ** Distracted, Northwind looks at Shadows -- and instantly sees just -how- thin the elf has grown. She makes a choked sound and sends to him ** shock/outrage/anger ** Shadows is taken by surprise and stumbles off the root. He instantly raises his hands to protect himself. ** I'm sorry! Please do not be angry. ** ** How could you let yourself get into such a state? ** she demands. Her anger slowly changes into something else, visibly draining from her face. ** Skywise is right, I can't force you to eat, or to take care of yourself. No more than you can force him to be happy. Each must make your own decisions. ** She turns away, her original mood of defeat and listlessness returning with a vengeance. Shadows lowers his head, "Skywise is so important. More then me. I don't want to see him lost. I do not want to see him sick or sad. I am trying to be happy too. The one leaf plant keeps me from feeling the hunger. I have angered you. I will go." ** No one elven life is more important than another. And you do no one favors by mistreating yourself more than necessary ** she sends tiredly. ** I -am- angered at what you have done to yourself, but what of it? It still won't keep you from neglecting yourself ** she said. They were alone now, two guests of a holt, and equals. Shadows begins to cower from her. He looks up at her, ** I am sorry... I am sorry. I wanted to make them happy. I was a slave. I have been starved before. I had no control then. But I can try to keep others from suffering the way I did.** Slave?! She whirls, unable to bear his deference. Swiftly, she catches hold of him by the pitifully thin shoulders and locksends intensely ** We are equals. Equals. There is no greater or lesser. Your needs are just as real as anyone else's. Your choices just as valid. ** She releases him and stares, hoping the sincerity in the send will get through to him. Shadows trembles, eyes clenched tightly, shaking like a leaf. He turns and flees for the guest tree den. ** I'm sorry...=I'm trying. I'm trying... ** The troubled elf appears very afraid. ** Shadows ** She runs after him; he looks terrified! Her lethargy banished, she reaches for him. Instinctively, as she was held as a child, she pulls the thin elf into her arms. ** Now -I'm- sorry. I didn't mean to scare you ** her sending now is gentle and soft. Shadows crumbles against Northwind sobbing softly. He leans against her though mostly on the ground, ** They're going to send me away. If anyone starves it will be my fault. I want to be accepted. I want to belong... ** ** Oh, lost one, starving yourself is not the way to be accepted. You have to keep up your strength, or how will you contribute to the tribe? ** she asks, her gentle tone reassuring and buffering against the difficult message she tries to make him understand. To be accepted, you have to be -strong-. She holds him for a while, until she feels he has calmed down, then pushes him away to hold at arm's length. ** You asked Skywise to eat, for you. I'm going to find some fresh meat. When I return with it, will you please eat? For me? ** she asks, looking at him. Shadows frowns and closes his eyes. He finally nods a little. ** Later. I want to sleep. ** ** It will be a while before I return ** she says, a hint of mirth in her send. ** Sleep now. ** She releases her hold on him and calls Sunrest to her and slides onto his back. Live in the now, pale one, she reminds herself as they head out. Moment to moment, a step at a time. If it is food the tribe needs, then it is what she will find. This land is new to her and strange, for all that instincts are awakening in her with each new night, and the hunt will not be easy. But if no meat is to be found, it will be not be for lack of trying. Note: Continued in log dated 19 March.