Log file from Suntop.
12/23/98


Cutter slows down a little, to allow Flashfire to catch up, but not entirely.
The cub will certainly have to try to keep up; it's not intentional. He paces
back to the firepit at the base of the Father Tree, and unloads his arms once
more. "You'll always have help, Flashfire."

Suntop walks in from the direction of the Denning tree where he has been
staying, his packs and a couple of full waterskins slung over his shoulders. He
pauses as he sees his father by the firepit, but then continues as if to leave
the Holt.

Flashfire does indeed try to keep up. Truth be told, he was partly joking when
he said to wait up. But whatever the reasoning, he picks up his own pace to
more or less trot along with the taller chieftain. Ridding himself of the wood
he's gathered, he brushes his arms free of mashed leaves and whatnot, smiling a
bit up at Cutter. "Thanks..father." It's getting easier to call him that.
Attention then shifts quickly towards Suntop. Where's
he going?

Clearbrook sits in the shadow of the tree, unnoticed at first. She's fairly
well hidden in the shadows, and the smell of elf is quite prevalent here. (OOC
- if I shouldn't be here, tell me and I'm not)

Cutter would likely notice you, Clearbrook, if Suntop didn't look like he was
going somewhere. The smile he wore for Flashfire fades as Suntop passes by, and
his brow furrows faintly. "Camping outside tonight, Suntop?" His tone is still
light, hinting at a tease.

Suntop stops and turns. His back is straight, chin lifted in what could be
defiance. "No," he answers softly, "I'm leaving."

Camping outside? Suntop's going back to his roots, or something? Flashfire
blinks a moment later, rather surprised at Suntop's stance and words. "Leaving?"
he repeats.

You locksend ** I told you I would be going to the Palace soon, remember? **
to Flashfire.

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire is still getting over the surprise. **
Aye..but I thought you were going to say so before you just left..and it's going
to be cold again soon.. **

Clearbrook shifts some in surprise, finally drawing attention to herself. **
Why's that? <<worry/concern>>**

You locksend ** I just felt I had to leave today...any later and it would have
been too late... ** to Flashfire.

Cutter's attention flickers now to Clearbrook, then back to Suntop. The smile
continues to fade. "Leaving for where?"

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire answers wordlessly at first, offering just
a nod. Then, words. ** Uhm..be careful.. ** It seems like he thinks you won't
be taking no for an answer, this time.

Suntop glances to where Clearbrook rests in the tree and answers her first, **
It's past time... ** A look to his father, **...for me to go to the Palace. It
is where the Sun Villagers have taken refuge and I feel I should be with them
since it was my home as well. ** That seems to have answered both of the
questions.

Flashfire stands a length or so from Cutter, head a little above his waist,
just as an example of how short he is compared to the chieftain. He doesn't
say a thing, having talked with Suntop about this very subject before.

Cutter's eyebrows quirk higher. "Palace?" He looks at Flashfire first, then
Clearbrook, and back. The smile creeps back, lifting a corner of his mouth,
but it's faint. "It's a long way to the Palace."

"Yes..." Suntop answers as he shifts his packs more comfortably on his
shoulders. "Which is why I should be leaving now."

Clearbrook raises an eyebrow. ** Do they particularly need you, or...? ** She
seems uncertain herself what she's going for here.

Flashfire glances between Cutter and Suntop, curious to see how this plays
out. He does remember how Suntop was upset before, when Cutter more or less
forbade him to leave last time.

Cutter's smile disappears entirely, without fading at all. It is simply gone.
"It will be whitecold soon."

Suntop's reply to his father's statement is a simple, "So I shall have to walk
faster."

Flashfire glances towards Clearbrook, aware of her question. He sends to her
privately, intending not to interrupt the exchange between Cutter and Suntop.
Not yet, at least.

Clearbrook nods at Flashfire, her concern still evident on her face.

Cutter makes a dismissive sound through his nose, like a wolf might make.
Habit. "You'll wait," he says as if the matter's settled, and crouches to
arrange wood.'

Suntop is silent for a moment at the command, but he remains where he stands.
Finally, he speaks. "No." Flashfire figures that's that. Cutter's spoken, and
given his decision. Back to the wood as well. But wait. No? Uh-oh. The
elf-wolf catches a breath silently at the defiant word.

Clearbrook's eyes widen a bit. Now he's done it.

He's done it indeed. Cutter's hand stops mid-reach for another piece of wood,
and he looks back over his shoulder. "What?"

Suntop meets his father's gaze, blue eyes to blue eyes. "I am leaving -now-."
And he begins to do so.

Flashfire thinks perhaps he'd better just occupy himself by making the
woodpile look nice, or something. But he stops to glance again from Cutter to
Suntop and just stares at the mystic, at how much..how similar his whole
expression resembles that of his own father's. It's eerie.

Cutter rises with fluid grace and turns toward the golden-haired elf. "You're
not going anywhere until whitecold is passed, Suntop. Don't be ridiculous."

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire doesn't even come close to saying a thing.
But there's an inherent sense of concern in there somewhere.

Suntop tilts his head to keep his gaze as level with his father's as he can.
"No, I've been ridiculous for far too long. I have already stayed one
whitecold for you, I shall not stay another."

Nightfall walks out of the Father Tree.

Clearbrook smiles and waves to Nightfall, glad of a reason to tune out the
uncomfortable conversation going on.

Nightfall steps out on one of the lower branches, stretching, and wipes her
eyes with one thumb. Still a bit sleepy, she looks around, expression growing
perplexed.

Flashfire remains by the woodpile, one knee on the ground. Indeed, he'd have
to admit Cutter's got a point - it's going to be too cold, too soon...

Cutter arches his brows even higher. True blue eyes narrow. "So you'd rather
risk your hide traveling through the snow into troll lands?"

Nightfall tilts her head in Clearbrook's direction in assent, expression
abruptly more alert. She does, however, remain silent, crouching on the branch
alertly.

By Cutter's statement it is rather clear that he has not visited the Palace in
some time. Suntop answers, perhaps a little too calmly, looking rather defiantly
up at his father, "The Palace is no longer in the north, father. It is to the
south...closer to Sorrow's...what was Sorrow's End." At his own amendment
something in his eyes flash.

Flashfire wasn't even aware of that, himself. That or he just didn't make the
connection that when the Palace flew to rescue the Sunfolk, it went to a
different place. How will this news affect things, then? The youngest elf
present glances towards Nightfall, sending a silent acknowledgement of her
presence, a greeting, before quietly going back to paying attention to the
debate.

Cutter is given a moment's pause by that news. He glances once more at
Flashfire, then Clearbrook, and now Nightfall. The mounting audience doesn't,
it seems, do much for his resolve. He frowns in earnest. "It's still too close
to whitecold, Suntop. Wait. Until the first of Newgreen. Then you can go."

Suntop's response is the same. "No, father. I have waited too long. I should
have been there when the village was attacked." Ah...the reasons for his
leaving are beginning to come out...

Flashfire thought that had all been dealt with already. Finally, he speaks up,
despite his words being unasked for. "Didn't we already talk about that,
Suntop? They might have killed you, and you couldn't have stopped the
round-ears by yourself."

Clearbrook shakes her head. ** Even if someone who was... well, more warlike
had been there, would one more been enough? It doesn't seem like it. **

Suntop turns intense blue eyes to Flashfire, "The danger was possible, but I
could also be killed while on a hunt here. It has happened before." Then to
Clearbrook, "I do not say that I singlehandedly could have stopped the attack,
but it is--was my village as well." There is a held tension to his words.

Clearbrook looks sad ** We all regret what happened and that we couldn't stop
it, but... **

"They may have been your village, and .. Clearbrook speaks for all of us. We
regret what has happened, but we are your tribe. Your blood."

Flashfire adds, "And nothing can be done about what happened. So it won't do
any good to worry about whether you were there or not. But maybe we can still
help the Sunfolk, somehow." Of course, he doesn't know how that'd be done.

Suntop shakes his head, this next statement obviously difficult for him to
say. "My blood, yes. But not my tribe." There. It's said. Now for the reactions.

Clearbrook shakes her head in disbelief. "Not yout tribe??" In her shock, she
breaks her silence. "But who raised you all those years?"

Nightfall looks at Suntop sharply, searchingly, then returns her attention to
Cutter. The only noise she makes is an initial, surprised intake of air. For
now.

Cutter's reaction comes from his back, heralded by the stiffening of elongated
spine, tensing of shoulders. He bows his head a little, but there is a palpable
sense of mounting ... something. It does not feel like defeat.

Flashfire isn't sure just how to react to /that/. He hasn't been part of the
tribe for all his turns. He hasn't been raised in it from cubhood. The statement
obviously has a different meaning to him. Nevertheless, the piece of wood in his
hand falls, making a sound on the rest. Perhaps the only sound for the moment.

You sense in a locksend, Cutter is hurt by those words. Hurt beyond his
ability to mask the feeling, and yet it is overshadowed by that mounting
pressure of temper. ** Is that how you feel, Suntop? That blood means nothing
to you. That your tribe means nothing to you? **

You locksend to Cutter, Suntop did not like saying the words, but they had to
be revealed sometime. ** I am a visitor here now...I have been for many turns.
Father, I haven't even a den to call my own. I never said that the blood means
nothing to me. The tribe means so much to me, but...this is my decision and I
will not be forced to go against it. ** The last is sent with a degree of
firmness.
You locksend ** The SunFolk are my tribe as well. ** to Cutter.

Cutter's lip curls. He manages, though, to swallow what sounds like the
beginning of a rumble born of temper. He answers a silent send, 'voice' tightly
restrained. ** They can't defend themselves, Suntop. They certainly can't keep
you safe. **

Could it be? Why yes, Suntop's temper...(he has a temper?!) seems to be
growing as well. "I am not completely helpless. You saw to that, father, you
should know."

Flashfire figuratively bites his tongue, lest he get snapped at by either
Cutter or Suntop. He stays crouched, sitting over his bare feet.

Cutter snorts audibly, now. "You're helpless against the roundears, Suntop."

Suntop's eyes narrow and he replies, "I had not planned on charging into the
Village and demanding to fight each and every one. I would hope you think I
have more wits than that. The attack is over and I am going to the Palace."

Nightfall rocks back out of her crouch, seating herself on the branch, feet
neatly bracing along the branch ahead of her.

Flashfire considers asking Suntop what he would've done if he'd gone to the
Village and found human spears being thrust at him. His mouth even opens, but
the words don't come out. He doesn't bother sending them.

Cutter sighs. "Suntop. If the roundears are strong enough and brave enough to
attack a village of demons and spirits, what makes you think that they won't
go after one alone? What makes you think that they stay in the village, any
more than we stay only in the holt?"

Suntop seems to say through clenched teeth, "I am not going to the Village. I
am going to the Palace."

Cutter snaps, "You don't understand!"

Clearbrook sighs and closes her eyes. "Suntop. What if the humans attack the
palace? Cutter is worried for you..."

Suntop seems on the verge of exploding as well. "Then explain it to me! I am
not witless, nor am I the cub you seem to think I still am." To Clearbrook,
"I know he is worried, but he cannot stifle me."

Flashfire understands Suntop may want to prove he's no cub any more, but he
doesn't understand why it's all contingent on when he goes to the Palace or not.
"Suntop..." he begins, before knowing what he's even going to say.

Cutter closes his eyes, and takes a breath. "Humans hunt, like elves. They
cannot find their food in the village. They will /leave/ the village, do you
understand? You may mean to go to the Palace, but they may be between you and
the place you want to go. You may find one hunting ... or he may find you. Then
what?"

Suntop answers, "Then I will hide, or I will fight. Father, you cannot keep me
here. If it is not for this reason, it will be for another. But I choose to leave
now." He is silent as he thinks a moment, "You lost a home once, yes? Remember
how that felt. I have just lost mine."

Nightfall's brow furrows and she inhales as if to speak, then closes her
mouth, frowns slightly, and leaves the answer for Cutter.

Cutter looks up at that, to study Suntop. He's silent a long moment, neither
sending nor speaking. When he does, it is as he turns his back on the mystic.
Lowly: "Then go."

Flashfire would do the same thing if he ran across a hostile human. But that's
not the point, is it? It's not about Cutter trying to 'keep' anyone here
either...is it? But in the end, Flashfire doesn't think one can really hold back
someone intent on leaving. He swallows at the way Cutter answers.

Nightfall's feet slide smoothly from the branch and she drops to the ground,
stepping to Cutter and holding out a hand. She remains quiet with her concern,
letting her expression speak volumes of caring for both Cutter and Suntop.

Suntop smiles a little, perhaps finding something humorous? "Father, I don't
think you understand. I am not asking your permission."

Clearbrook sighs and looks very very sad now.

You sense in a locksend, Cutter's answer is quiet, carefully free of emotion.
** I don't think you understand. I'm not giving you permission. Go. **

Flashfire doesn't know what might be amusing about any of this, here. It
certainly isn't, to him. At a total loss for words, he just stands up and tries
to give Cutter some kind of supportive look and send, regardless of how
successful it is or isn't.

Cutter turns his head back over his shoulder a little, then reaches out to
take Nightfall's hand. It does not remain in his grasp. Rather, it's taken in
acknowledgment, and dropped again.

Nightfall squeezes Cutter's hand briefly, then looks at Suntop. Quietly, she
asks, "What are you asking for, then?"

Suntop frowns at a send and continues to look at his father. "...Yet you still
continue to give me orders." This seems to be much more than leaving to go to
the Palace now. "How long will it be, father, until you trust me as an adult?"

"Don't we all have to listen to orders?" Flashfire asks, whether anybody is
listening to him or not. Maybe he's missing the point.

That's it. Cutter rounds on Suntop. "To keep you /safe/, /cub/. To keep you
close, where we can protect you, where we can /care/ for you. The things I
tell you, /ask/ of you, are to keep you safe. To do my best not to /lose/ you,
Suntop." Huff. "Humans. Gliders. Underworlders. None of them are your friend,
Suntop. /None/ of them. But you want to be an adult. You choose the village
over the tribe. You've made your decision," he snarls, all tooth. "Now. Go."
Cutter is currently snarling at Suntop.

Flashfire is currently struck rather dumb by Cutter's words. He knew the
chieftain cared for everyone, but never heard it quite like that before. Wow.

Treestump appears at the mouth of the Father Tree quietly, arms folded over
his chest. His brows furrowed, he takes in the scene without a word.

Clearbrook is sitting among the roots and looks equal parts angry and sad.

Nightfall's face is a study of emotions, concern foremost. She stands quietly,
near Cutter, but watches Suntop's reaction.

Suntop visibly bristles, torn by the emotions he feels from his father and his
own. His voice starts of controlled, but intensifies gradually. "I...choose...the
village over the tribe?! What do I do here? In this tribe?! There at least I may
be able to do something but here...here I am useless!" A dark hand slashes at
the air, emphasizing his last words.

A dark wrinkle appears in Treestump's brow as he digests the scene playing out
in the clearing. The elder frowns to himself as he moves further out, then around
to take a place standing near Clearbrook.

Flashfire takes a couple steps closer to Cutter and Nightfall, but it's not
meant to be something like 'choosing sides.' "Suntop.." he begins, not sure how
it'll all come out. "It doesn't matter how much or how little you do here, as long
as you just help in some way. At least that's how I learned it." He wonders how
that'll be taken.

If he had hackles, they would no doubt be up on Cutter. The chieftain glares
at Suntop, unblinking, unflinching from his answer. Matter of fact, he doesn't
move much at all, other than to breathe long slow breaths that swell his chest.
You sense in a locksend, Cutter sends now without reservation, without masking
the roiling <fury/pain/sorry/betrayal> beneath the words. ** Useless. You turn
away from everything that I can give you. The wolf. The hunt. The tribe. **

You locksend to Cutter, Suntop responds by revealing his immense frustration.
** I have tried the wolf...the hunt. I have tried desperately to be able to have
that link with you...with the tribe. But I cannot be something I am not. And no
matter how hard I try, no matter how much if my blood is wolf-blood, I am -not-
a wolfrider. Not in the truest sense. **

** Because you /choose/ not to be, ** Cutter erupts.

Suntop counters, "That is not true!" Another slash of the hand. "I nearly
drove myself mad trying to be one. Ask Ember, ask Flashfire. I had hoped that it
would have helped bring me closer to the tribe...closer to -you-!"

Flashfire only gets part of this exchange. What..a hunter? A Wolfrider? He
raises an eyebrow at Suntop's words, figuring it must be the latter.
Uncomfortably, he rubs behind his neck.

Clearbrook gapes at Suntop's newest outburst.

Treestump's hand is suddenly on Clearbrook's shoulder, squeezing it lightly.
Whether for her sake or his remains to be seen as the elder watches,
expression stoic. Clearbrook moves her hand up to Treestump's. She looks up
and shakes her head.

Clearbrook sighs. She glances over at Suntop again.
Clearbrook locksends ** What did we do to make you feel different?
<<Sorrow/self-blame>> **

You locksend to Clearbrook, Suntop covers his roiling emotions as he replies,
** You did nothing. I -am- different. **

"You .gave. .up.," Cutter accuses, "and I forgave you. I wanted you here, I
wanted you close, Suntop, whether you can track with the rest of us, or know
the wolves as we do. I /wanted/ you /here/, and you? You throw old scents
into the wind to disguise your trail. Do you understand? Without the pack,
without the tribe there is /nothing/. If you want that nothing ... you've made
your choice."

Clearbrook locksends ** We... we still all love you, dearling.... **

Suntop can't quite believe what he hears from his father's mouth. "Gave up?! I
was being torn apart! Did you see that? Could you sense that? Were you pleased
that you then had a cub worthy of your sire? Worthy of Bearclaw?" As the words
issue from his mouth he realizes that he may have gone too far.

Flashfire visibly winces and backsteps at that one. Even he knows that's
probably crossing the line, and then some. . o O (Uh-oh...)

Clearbrook visibly winces.
e
Nightfall pales a bit, but remains steadily quiet.

Treestump's pained expression breaks out across his face. "Lad..." the elder
starts to say, starts to intervene, then stops himself, a line of worry panning
his eyes. He bites his lower lip to keep silent, blue eyes flickering between
father and son.

Clearbrook starts to send shakily. ** Cutter, please, he c-couldn't have meant
it.... << not really that certain>> **

Cutter's jaw quite literally drops open. For a moment. And then pure fury
creeps into his expression, moment by moment until he wears a mask of rage. One
step toward Suntop, and then another, movement restrained, and that restraint
requiring visible effort. Blue eyes blaze with sapphire fire, and his lip curls
again. Emotion is not trusted to send; he growls, thickly, "Get. Out. /Now/."

Flashfire's amber-colored eyes widen to near-circles in size, a hand covering
his mouth as he swallows hard, a shiver passing over him. How did it ever
reach..this? How? High Ones..no way is he saying even a single word right now.

Clearbrook just sits there in shock.

Nightfall's jaw loosens and she steps back involuntarily, almost twisting to
physically show throat.

Flashfire's probably second-closest to Cutter, after Nightfall. He follows her
lead, taken a step further: he backs off, lying down to show his own throat.
Much like he did with the mother wolf the other night. Cutter. Big. Mad. Not
good.

For a moment it looks as if Suntop will disobey once more, but then a long,
sad, pained sigh escapes his lips and he lowers his eyes. Showing throat. He
knows that his last outburst was too much...went too far. His breath coming
shakily, he closes his eyes for a long moment, perhaps to try and hide the
sudden despair he feels at what he has brought about. Yet...it could be
argued that these feelings had to be let out sometime...if this is
what happened in the short time they were festering, imagine what could have
happened in a few more turns. Not meeting the eyes of the others gathered, he
turns to leave the Holt.

Treestump's eyes slowly close, his expression still pained, but old as well,
as if all his years weighed heavily upon him. A hand lifts to rest overtop
Clearbrook's, which in turn still rests over his on her shoulder. His eyes
open after a brief period of time, shifting to watch Suntop retreat, then
shifting again back to Cutter, dark.

Clearbrook gets over her shock, leaving a look of scorn for both father and
son. She, too, flashes the bare throat of submission, but it's more the token
submission of a wolf that doesn't want to interfere. Her hand tightens on
Treestump's again.

Nightfall watches Suntop, eyes flashing with concern, but makes no move.

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire ventures forth with a send..to say it's
worried and concerned is a vast understatement. But there doesn't seem to be
anything he can find to put to words...

You locksend to Flashfire, Suntop seems to appreciate the gesture, but... **
Flashfire...you of all the tribe know what happens when a wolf challenges and
loses...** And that is all he sends.

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire sends the effect of a faint nod - you can
sense just how shaken he is. This is similar to...yet different than a wolf
challenge. ** What..what will you do now? **

For one instant, anger drains away from the pale-haired chieftain, and his
shoulders drop. Blue eyes ease to normal, then widen faintly, and Cutter takes
a halfstep after Suntop. The movement is halted, then, and he whirls sharply
away from Suntop's retreat. Faced with those who watch, his gaze lingers on
each a moment, and then on none of them. Without saying a word, he uses those
too-long legs to carry him away from the tree.

Suntop does not look back as he continues out of the Holt, but his shoulders
are set tensely, as if it is taking a great effort for him to even move.

Clearbrook locksends ** <<love/kinship/sorrow>> **

Nightfall does not meet Cutter's gaze when it sweeps around; rather, she keeps
her attention somewhere in between father and son.

Violet comes into the area, rubbing her eyes... It's obvious she's been asleep
for a while now...

Cutter walks around to the back of the Father Tree.

You walk away from the tree, back into the clearing that marks the entrance to
the Lost Holt.
You locksend to Flashfire, Suntop's send has some odd overtones...none of
which seem too healthy. ** I shall go to the Palace... **

You sense in a locksend, Flashfire doesn't know what to do about that. He
really doesn't. ** I'm sorry..be careful.. ** It's as though he's not sure
he'll ever see you again.

You locksend to Flashfire, Suntop sends a simple, ** Thank you... **

You locksend ** If you can...later...tell him I am sorry...he will never know
-how- sorry... ** to Clearbrook.

Clearbrook locksends ** I will, child... I will... **

[End Log]